Bye Bye Baby
by Harlow Rayne
Summary: Lana has made a huge mistake that has left her facing some tough decisions. Not a bad person by nature, she let her guard down and now she's scared of losing her best friend, her normal life, and her dignity. What will happen when she has to deal with the ultimate consequence of her actions? And how will the 2 people it also effects take the news? *NOT primarily a J/T story. AU. OC
1. Chapter 1

_**This is an idea I've had for awhile. I wanted to share the first chapter with everyone and find out how you all felt about a story like this. It's different, and trust me when I say it's NOT going to be a typical love story. It might not even be a love story at all! If I get enough interest, then I'll post another chapter (which I already have written) so please review and let me know your feelings about the story! Thank you guys.**_

_***I'm still very much continuing my other story, Take A Walk In My Stilettos, but really wanted to get this story out there to generate interest. **_

_****This story will be rated M for future chapters. I'll change the rating settings if needed, but be warned for now.**_

_**Chapter one-**_

Lana stared at the tiny pink plus sign as her stomach opened into a massive pit, and her head began to swirl. That little symbol controlled her life now. Everything from now until etrnity was dictated by it, and there were no "take backs" as far as it was concerned.

She stifled a cry that was threatening to tear from her throat, and tears began to slide down her face as her shoulders shook in silent sobs. The last thing she wanted was for her co-workers at the salon to stick their nosy heads in her business. She didn't need them spreading her new found, unplanned pregnancy around town like it was wildfire.

"Shit," Lana whispered, another howl building up in the back of her throat. What would her brothers say? Would they be happy for her? Probably not, not under these circumstances.

It wasn't that she wasn't old enough, she was 28 and had helped in raising her 2 younger siblings. When her Mom was still alive, she had always told Lana that she had a natural motherly instinct. She loved kids, and always planned on settling down and having babies someday. She had a stable career in cosmetology and made plenty enough money to support a baby. She was a natural with kids, and spent a lot of time with her best friend and her two boys playing and laughing...at the thought of Tara Knowles, Lana got the sudden urge to vomit, and she shifted onto her knees in front of the toilet.

The stomach bile heaved itself out in a hard, burning way as Lana retched forward. Tara had been her best friend since she had moved home 5 years ago from Chicago. Being about 4 years younger than Tara, Lana had only heard of her in High school. She had never thought that one day her and the friendly doctor would bond over their mutual love for mocha cappuccino in Charming's local coffee house and wind up as close as sisters.

Lana retched forward again as more bile tore from her stomach.

A light knock on the door interrupted her dry heaving. "Lana!?" Tiffany's voice chirped through the door, "honey are you alright? It sounds like your getting sick in there." Lana placed her forehead against the cool porcelain of the toilet, taking a moment to catch her breath.

"Lana!?" Tiffany knocked again, "you better answer me before I grab the master key and come in there after you!" "No" Lana said too softly, her stomach threatening to turn again. "No!" she spoke with a little more confidence, stuffing the positive test in her pocket and discarding the wrappings in the toilet before flushing it all down. "I'm fine, I'm...I'm sorry, it must have been something I ate."

Lana wiped her mouth on a paper towel before opening the door. The look on Tiffany's face said it all as her eyes widened into saucers, "you look awful!" "Thanks, Tiff..." "No, I'm sorry. I just mean, wow...I think you should take the rest of the day off honey. I'll reschedule your appointments for you."

Lana nodded her head. On most days she would argue with Tiff, the acting salon manager, on taking any kind of day or time off. Today, however, she needed the time off to think. "I'm sorry Tiff, I just...I'll be ok to work tomorrow." she spoke as she packed up her station. Tiffany smiled, "just call in the morning if you're still not feeling good. I know you think you'll be fine, but you look awfully pale." Lana smiled weakly, "I'm always pale."

Tiffany wiped that statement away with a flick of her wrist," no, honey, you're porcelain. Like a little China doll! Or, I guess that's not right...like a Russian doll?" Lana shook her head, trying to keep the dizziness under control. Tiffany wasn't the first person to tell her that she was "doll like" with her smooth, creamy skin and wide blue eyes. Her strawberry blonde hair fell in loose waves past her shoulder blades, and her mouth was full and pouty. The combination of her features, and her small but curvy frame had earned her the nickname "Kukla" (Russian for baby-doll) almost her entire life. Both of her brothers still called her that even though their parents had long been gone.

After her things were all gathered up, Lana pushed her way out into the cool October air. She took a deep breath, swallowing as much fresh air as she could. It made her head feel better as she walked to the park nearby and rested on a bench near the gazebo.

"What am I gonna do?" Lana said to herself as she slipped the test back out of her pocket. The pink plus was still there, and her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Her mind started racing, and she wished with every fiber of her being that she could warp time and go back one and a half months prior...to the first time she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She had fucked up again almost two weeks later when she had repeated the same mistake. By her calculations Lana figured she was either four or six weeks pregnant.

She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands, folding into herself and allowing her tears to fall again. She felt awful. She felt like one of the worst people in existence and she had no idea where to start sorting out this mess that she had created.

The worst part about it all was that Lana couldn't talk to Tara about it. Normally, at the sound of trouble, Tara's number was speed dialed into Lana's phone instantly. Not this time though. She couldn't face Tara. Not now, and she wasn't sure how she would ever face her again. Not while she was pregnant by Tara's husband.

Her and Jax had slept together exactly twice. The first time had been after they, Jax and Tara, had a huge falling out. Tara had been trying to find her "out" from the Sons of Anarchy for awhile. She had put an elaborate plan together and Jax had found out about it. Lana remembered a terrified Tara showing up on her doorstep toting both Abel and baby Thomas in the dead of night. She had been convinced that Jax was going to kill her if he found her, and so Lana had let them stay with her.

After a few days, her and Tara had been discussing her options, and Lana had been convinced to go pay Jax a visit to try and decipher where his mind was at. Well, it had taken all of 45 minutes for him to saunter, smirk, and wink his way into fucking her mercilessly in the bed he had been sharing with Tara for half a decade.

Lana had felt a sexy pain between her legs for 3 days after their romp, and she had mind fucked herself into believing that what she had done was justified and didn't make her a bad friend. Sure, she felt guilty, but Tara and Jax were technically separated at the time. Besides, she herself hadn't had sex in almost 3 months and it was a welcome release.

The second time it happened, she had consciously decided she was going to sleep with him. After their initial rendezvous, they had exchanged a few text messages and had arranged a time for Lana to slip unnoticed into the club house. There, he had once again tore into her viciously and fucked some of his rage out...first in the shower, then on his dorm desk, and finally on his bed where her nails had sunk so deep into his back that blood was drawn.

Lana snorted in disgust at herself. She felt like a dirty whore, and the moisture forming in between her legs made her feel even worse. She shouldn't be getting hot thinking about having sex with her friends husband, no matter how great it was. She snorted again as her mind drifted back to her and Jax's second and last intimate affair.

After all was done and said, Lana could remember laying in bed with him. Both of them were completely spent, and her entire body felt bruised and sore, but incredibly satisfied. Jax had easily manipulated and contorted her 5'4, 115 pound body into positions that Lana had only ever dreamed about, and it had been the best sex she had ever had.

She rolled her eyes at the sarcasm of it all...the sex had been done so right that it had left her with child. The sex wasn't the only thing she felt guilty about, though. The baby was bad, but there was more to it.

Lana had felt a tiny pull on her heart string laying in bed next to the President of the Sons. At one point their eyes locked, and she could see all of the pain, all of the anger that pooled in his blue eyes turning them steel grey. There was something else their too. A little flame flickered in his eyes, and Lana recognized it instantly as desire.

She had wondered if it was for her, and before she could ask he had leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips as he gently cradled her face in his hands. He hadn't kissed her like that yet. Most of the kisses they shared were hungry, and they had devoured each other in a blaze of fiery make out sessions. This kiss, though, it felt different and made something stir deep inside both of them that had been sleeping for awhile.

Lana began to sob harder on the bench, her shoulders once again shaking and her voice deceiving her and allowing whimpers to escape her throat. "I'm so fucking stupid" she cried out to no one but herself, "so, so stupid." Having a crush on your best friends husband was as bad as it got, well...aside from getting pregnant by him.

After she had left Jax's dorm that day and went home, she had found Tara crying softly at her kitchen table. She had confided in Lana that she missed her husband, and that she felt guilty for everything she had been doing in trying to take his children away from him. Tara had asked if Lana had thought she was crazy for wanting to reach out to Jax, and if she thought it would be smart to even try.

The guilt had punched her deep in the gut, and she had almost puked right there on the table as Jax's presence lingered between her thighs. 'No,' she had thought to herself, 'this is not justifiable, and this can never happen again.' She had vowed right then to stop the insanity that was her and Jax, and to help Tara rekindle her romance with him if that was what her heart desired. Tara understood the risk she was taking by staying in Charming, and what kind of man Jax could be, but if that's what she wanted then Lana would support her.

And she had done just that. She had met up with Jax once more in private to discuss her conversation with Tara, and she could tell by his face that he felt relieved in knowing that his wife was still accessible and wanted him too. Jax loved Tara, and Tara loved Jax. It was never Lana's intention to screw that up, and she was consciously a good friend even if she had made a mistake.

She loved Tara, too, and Jax had become her friend over the years. What had happened between them was a slip of judgement and neither of them were harnessing any unspoken feelings for the other, at least she didn't think so. Sure, she thought he was sexy, but what woman with right site didn't? She quipped it as nothing more than lust.

Lana was human. Having sex with Jax had been her animalistic, primal needs taking over and clouding her judgement. She had made a mistake, but again...she was human, and everyone fucked up sometimes. She had to work really hard at not letting this situation define her. She'd have to do the right thing and tell Tara, whatever the consequence.

Jax, on the other hand, had a nasty little habit of being unfaithful as far as his marriage was concerned. Tara had, in the few weeks since they had decided to try and work things out, caught him with some Diosa girl on his dick twice. That had started the old song and dance of Tara slapping Jax, Jax apologizing after sleeping at the Club House for a few days, and Tara allowing him back into their home on fragile promises of fidelity.

Tara was such a push over. Jax got away with almost everything. Lana could remember being so pissed off at Jax for hurting Tara over and over again, but now that anger had shifted onto herself. She had committed the ultimate betrayal, and now she was paying the ultimate price for it.

Lana gulped down some more fresh air and sat back against the bench. She could feel her eyes burning from the salt in her tears and she quickly wiped them away only to have more appear in their place.

She remembered when the realization of her missed period had first set in. She had been at the pharmacy and had been in the aisle purchasing feminine wipes when she spotted the tampons on the shelf, coincidentally located right next to the pregnancy tests. Her initial reaction was confusion. Had she had her period this month? She couldn't remember at first, but then it hit her like a ton of bricks that no, she definitely hadn't.

She had almost had a breakdown right their in aisle four, but she had kept her composure by assuring herself it was nothing. Unwanted pregnancies happened to other women. It didn't happen to her. Except now it WAS happening to her, and she had no idea what to do.

Lana started thinking about her options. The thought of them helped her to calm down just enough to settle her stomach, though her eyes remained filled with tears. She couldn't forget that she didn't absolutely have to have a baby, and that there were easy outs. That is if she could bring herself to do them.

The easiest choice, of course, would be for her to abort the baby. She could drive to the clinic twenty minutes South of Charming and erase the problem before it ever really began. Nobody would have to know about her poor decision making, and Tara could keep fighting for her marriage to work.

This seemed liked the best plan, but the thought of abortion made Lana's pretty little head spin. She was pro-choice, but she couldn't see herself personally aborting anything. Even under the worst circumstances she didn't think she'd be able to live with the guilt that she knew she'd feel if she went through with it. She thought for a brief moment, 'It's impossible to feel any more guilt than right now.' But she knew that was bullshit. She most certainly would feel worse after an abortion.

Ok, so that option was out. She had successfully managed to narrow down her options to adoption or keeping the baby. Lana had no clue which she would choose, and wanted desperately to talk to someone about what was going on. She could use advice, and she also really needed to talk out her feelings. They were just racing around in her mind and her thoughts were getting all jumbled.

So what about adoption? Lana could carry her baby full term, and then find a loving family who could raise the child in a normal environment. Maybe they'd take her son or daughter out sailing, and to vacations overseas. Maybe he or she would have other brothers and sisters that they were allowed to know about, and Sunday dinners around a big table with the family dog begging for scraps. Then, every night, get tucked into bed by both Mommy and Daddy, and read their favorite bedtime story. Maybe...

Or maybe she would keep the baby. Maybe she'd find a two bedroom apartment in Charming, and pick up extra hours at the salon so that she could pay for daycare and the house. She could always say that she didn't know who her child's father is, and make up some bogus story about being drunk at a party somewhere. Sure, she'd be the talk of the town for awhile but eventually someone else would make a bigger scandal all the rage.

What if the baby looked like Jax? Would it be possible for her to pass off his genetics as her own? They both had blue eyes, so that would be no issue. But what about the blonde hair? Jax's hair was dark blonde and pin straight, Lana's was more red and held a loose wave. What about his features? She was petite while Jax towered over her by 8 inches. He had wide shoulders and a strong jaw. If nobody knew he was the father, maybe she could pass it off as another blonde haired, blue eyed, buff badass biker guys kid. 'Yeah right,' Lana thought glumly, 'Jax would know...'

There is no way that he wouldn't put things together and figure out that he had fathered Lana's baby. Jax might be stubborn and a little fucked up right now, but he wasn't an idiot. Would he even care that she was pregnant? Maybe she would just pack up her car and run away. Maybe she could find a little seaside town further south where it was warmer all year, and where nobody knew her or Jax or what they had done. Maybe she'd tell people in her new home that her baby's father had died tragically and heroically, and had been a firefighter or something.

All of these things where flying through Lana's head a mile a minute, and she didn't have anyone to bounce ideas off of. Part of her wanted so badly to tell Tara about what happened. She wanted to confide in her best friend, and to come clean. She owed Tara that much at the very least. But she didn't want to lose her friend. Did she even deserve their friendship? She didn't think so, not after what she had done. What about Jax? What if this was the final straw that made Tara leave? What would Jax do? He was as evil as he was devilishly sexy, and Lana knew he had murdered before. If she was the reason that Tara finally left for good...

She shuddered at the thought. She had gotten to know Jax pretty well over the past five years, and she'd like to think that he wouldn't hurt her in any way, but lately it seemed like he was doing things that nobody expected. That was one of the biggest reasons Tara had wanted to leave a couple months ago. Gone were the days that Jax couldn't pull the trigger to save his life. Now he was trigger happy, and that terrified everyone that loved him.

He kept promising Tara that he was getting out, that THEY were getting out, but so far he had proven over and over again that it was a lost cause. Now here Lana sat, becoming part of this crazy mess as one of Jax Teller's baby Mama's. She let out a big sigh and looked up into the sky as the thunder rumbled in the distance. It was like an omen. The grey clouds rolling in did nothing to improve Lana's mood as another wave of nausea crashed down around her...


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for all of your positive support! That being said, I also caught a lot of negative reform as well. I just want to clear a few things up for everyone: This is NOT a Jax/Tara story (not because they break up, whether or not they do or don't has yet to be seen so stay tuned!), because this is Lana's story. She's the main character, and I'll be focusing on the consequences of her bad decision. Just because she is my character doesn't mean she won't get reprimanded for what she did. Lana, by nature, is not a bad person. She made a mistake, and believe me when I say she will reap what she sows. However, that being said, this isn't a "hate" story. I'm going to try and make this story as real and authentic as I can, because I understand both sides of the spectrum. For one, on Lana's side, I'm a Mom so I understand what it's like being pregnant for the first time. Everything changes when, for the first time in your life, you value another life completely over your own and love unconditionally. It's also super confusing. On the other side, Tara's side, I understand what it's like to have a family to protect, and children that could easily be influenced. I also understand the rage I would feel if I found out my man had fathered a baby with another woman! Especially if it were my best friend! Lol. So please, don't assume anything about this story. Keep an open mind, because there will be times when you will get pissed off reading, and times you'll smile from ear to ear. There will be times when you think you know exactly what's going to happen or what's happening in that moment, and then everything changes. So again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited this story or me as an author, or followed. You guys ROCK, and you won't be disappointed! Xo. ~Harlow**_

**Chapter 2-**

Four days had passed since Lana had discovered that there was a little jelly bean hiding inside of her tummy, and she was nowhere near deciding what she would do yet. Just when she thought she had it all figured out something would happen and she'd be just as confused as the day she took the test. Just the day before she had thought adoption might be her best option, and keeping the father's identity a secret from anyone that might be impacted by hers and Jax's mistake. She was heading to Lodi to speak with an adoption agent and get the ball rolling when she stopped at a little gas station on the outskirts of town. A woman and her new baby stood in line in front of Lana, and the baby stared at her over his mother's shoulder.

Big blue eyes watched Lana's every move, and when the baby smiled a toothless grin she had turned right around, gotten in her car, and drove back to her apartment to do some more thinking. Maybe she was being too haste in her decision to give the baby up. Maybe she would keep it after all, but then what? She couldn't just keep living a normal life in Charming while raising the bastard son or daughter of SAMCRO's President.

So many lives were bound to be ruined by this, and Lana couldn't stop the wave of guilt that continued to flow threw her veins like fire. Not only did she feel guilty about what she had done, but also by her excitement. Part of her was cheering that she was pregnant! Deep down, Lana was happy that she was expecting her first baby. It didn't matter that Jax was the father, anyone could be the father as far as that part of her was concerned. All that really mattered was that she had a new purpose to her life. She had something bigger to live for, and someone to dedicate her whole heart to.

Even though this part of Lana was pushed aside, and the realistic side of her continued to reign supreme, she couldn't deny that her motherly instincts were beginning to kick in. Now she was standing in front of her full length mirror, and she had her tummy pushed out as big as she could get it. She stared at the little bump, rubbing it and patting it lovingly. She let her tummy fall flat back into place before pushing it out again, turning sideways as she did so. Her heart felt warm, yep, she was definitely falling in love with her little jelly bean. She had to tell someone, but who?

She had been really vague with Tara since finding out about the pregnancy. She had lied, and told her friend that she was ill and that was why she was lying low for a little while. The truth was that she just couldn't face Tara yet. She knew she was being a coward, but the thought of seeing Tara's sweet face made her sick to her stomach. If she couldn't tell Tara yet, then who could she tell?

Lana jumped for her phone when she realized who she would come clean to, or at least partially clean...

Lana moved swiftly out of the way as her brother, Dominic, sprayed ice tea out of his mouth, "you're what!?" Lana had called her middle brother to meet up for lunch shortly after admiring what her baby bump might look like. She had always been closer to Dom than Drew, her youngest brother, who had a nasty habit of winding up in jail on drug charges. For four days Lana had kept her silence, and it felt great to finally release some of the weight that had begun to crush her head from all of the over thinking. She smiled weakly, "yeah, I'm pregnant."

Dominic reached for a napkin and began soaking up the mess he had made, "wow Kukla, that's...wow. I don't even...congrats?" Lana rolled her eyes, "don't act so excited." Dom sat back and smiled warmly, "I'm excited! I just didn't even know that you were dating anyone. You didn't get back together with that asshole from Reno and not tell anyone did you?" Lana shuddered at that thought.

She had dated a man named Scott about a year prior. He turned out to be overly controlling, and ultimately his jealousy had caused Lana pain both mentally and physically. Their relationship had been short lived, and she was sure that he had gone back to Nevada after their break up. He had been the last person she had slept with, well...besides Jax. She sighed and shook her head, "no, Dom, it's not his. I don't..." she began nervously picking apart her napkin "...um, I don't really want to talk about who the father is."

Her brother cocked an eyebrow and narrowed his blue eyes, "are you in some kind of trouble Kukla?" Lana threw up her hands defensively, "no! No...I'm just, it's an uncomfortable subject." Dominic, although three years younger, was very protective over his baby sister, "are you gonna be in some kind of trouble if this shit gets out?" Lana hesitated for only a second, not sure exactly how to answer. "Um, no, I don't think so. Not the kind of trouble you think I might be in..." she offered with a crooked smile and small shrug, hoping that answer would be good enough for Dominic.

His eyes seemed to study her for a long time. Just as she was going to speak up, Dominic snapped back, "did someone hurt you!" Lana's eyes widened in surprise at her brothers misconception, "no!" she waved her hands, "nobody hurt me Dom. I just...I fucked up, and now I'm pregnant. This is my fault, and I'm not in trouble, and nobody hurt me." She couldn't help but giggle a little bit as he let out a worked up sigh and leaned back in his chair.

"Well christ, Kukla...you're not dating anyone, but you're having a baby. What was I supposed to think?" Dominic had a point, but she did her best to assure him that it wasn't a life or death situation like he had jumped to conclusion about. "I know, I know...I'm sorry. I promise that I'll be okay. I just...the situation isn't ideal, you know?" Dom nodded his head as Lana continued "I just think it'll be easier if the Father doesn't know that he's the Father. That is, if I keep the baby..."

Dom successfully took a drink of his tea before responding, "having a baby is a big deal, sis. I get it. Everyone wants that perfect little family but you know what? That doesn't always happen. Sometimes shit happens out of sync. I don't know what happened, and if you don't want to tell me then so be it...but Ma and Pop would have been ecstatic regardless of the situation. You know that." They both laughed at the thought of their parents, and how they would have reacted to being Grandparents.

Before the car accident that had taken both of their lives nearly ten years prior, both of the Shelepova parents had been expressing their desire for grandchildren. Both were Russian immigrants, brought over to the States when they were children. The prospect of having generations of family members deepening the roots of their family tree into American soil was something they had always longed for, and their hearts had always been filled to the brim with love that they couldn't wait to share.

"Yeah," Lana said sadly, "they would have wanted me to keep the baby. That much is true." Part of her was feeling guilty now. She knew her parents didn't believe in adoption or abortion. If you made your bed, then you had to lie in it as far as her Mother had been concerned. "Listen, I've gotta go pick up Nina from the vet, they finally removed that tumor from her side," Dom said while digging his wallet from his back pocket, "but..." "oh! That's awesome Dom! I'm so glad they were able to remove it," Lana cut him off. Nina had been Dom's rescue pitbull for almost four years, and she had become a real member of the family. "Yeah. she'll be fine now," he beemed, "but look...you do whatever you need to do Kukla. I'm your brother, I love you, and I'll love my niece or nephew too. Don't feel like you're alone in this, because if you choose to keep the baby then I'm here."

Lana's cheeks hurt from smiling so wide. She stood to let Dom wrap his arms around her after he threw a few bills on the table. "I've got lunch," he said before letting her go, "keep me updated ok?" Lana nodded, "thank you Dom, really...now I've gotta call Drew." "Don't bother, he's back in jail...probably for awhile this time." Lana's eyes widened, but she wasn't surprised, "of course...I just don't understand him!" Dom snickered and shook his head before kissing his sister and turning to leave, calling back over his shoulder, "you never will! But don't worry about him, and take care of that baby!"

_Two days later..._

"Looks like you're about five weeks along. I'd put your due date around mid-July. Hard to tell with you're being so early," Dr. Dermott said matter of fact. "If we knew when you're date of conception was then we'd..." "September sixteenth," Lana cut him off, "If I'm 'about five weeks' then I conceived September sixteenth." She let out a long, low breath. It had been almost a week since she had learned she was pregnant, and she had been ignoring all phone calls. She needed this Doctor's appointment before facing whatever consequence might come of telling Tara. She replied to her via text message from time to time, but so far they hadn't actually spoken to one another since the day before she found out she was with child.

Dr. Dermott cocked a skeptical eyebrow, "you sure?" Lana sat up on the little table she had just been lying down on and nodded, "I'm positive." Doc cracked his knuckles and pushed his chair to the little computer on the desk in the corner, "well then," he spoke while punching some keys, "I'd say July sixteenth, then...who's the father? I'll need it for our records."

Lana shook her head slowly. This was the first time she was being confronted by someone, other than herself or her non judgmental brother, about her pregnancy and she felt as if she might puke at any moment. She swallowed a huge lump in her throat before responding, "I'm... uhm, I'm not sure." Dr. Dermott wheeled around in his little chair so he was facing her again, "you don't know who got you pregnant, but you know the exact date you conceived?"

Her cheeks blushed. She hadn't thought that one through, "Uh, yeah...yes. As far as your records are concerned, there is no Dad." He reached up and removed his glasses, tucking them into his coat pocket as he replied, "Miss Shelepova, are you in some kind of trouble with this baby? I've been doing this a long time and I can recognize when a patient of mine isn't being completely honest."

Lana remained still. Obviously she didn't have much of a poker face because Dr. Dermott had caught her bluff. She wasn't sure how to respond, so instead she dropped her eyes and began twiddling her thumbs. At twenty-eight, Lana felt like a young child who might get scolded at any moment. She heard rustling around so she peeked through her lashes, and saw the Doctor sorting through some pamphlets on a shelf. He was standing, and crossed the room in three big strides with a handful of papers, "take these. If nothing else, maybe you can look into some more of your options."

She looked down at the booklets and almost burst into tears. Dr. Dermott had handed her information on adoption agencies, abortion clinics, and counseling for troubled parents. She wanted to throw them at him, but he was seated back at his desk in the corner typing away. He had been her OBGYN for years, he should know better than to assume that Lana wasn't completely capable of taking care of herself. A small whimper escaped her throat and Dr. Dermott turned around, "okay, if you have no other concerns..." he paused, surely waiting for her to reveal whatever secret she was keeping,"...then I'll see you next month. I've already scheduled you for November 22nd. You'll also need to start taking prenatal pills, which I'm writing you a prescription for right now..." he scribbled on a small pad in his pocket before ripping the top layer off and handing it to her "...the pharmacy in town can fill it by the end of today. Take them regularly, every day, and make sure you eat with them. They can make you sick."

Lana continued to sit stoic. So much information was being thrown at her, and frankly she didn't know what to do with most of it. She could handle the prenatal's, the Doctor's appointments, and the curious eyes of her Doctor...but, all of those information pamphlets, like she hadn't already been conflicted in her decision enough...

She had been struggling for days with her decision. She had done research online, and she had even called several places to speak with people more in-depth about her options. Lana had been doing a lot of thinking, but now all of those options where staring at her in a pile on her lap. Happy babies smiled from the pages, pregnant bellies jutted out in front of happy looking Mommy's, then there women crying, a beautiful baby with tears streaming down its chubby cheeks...Lana brushed a stray tear away. What was she going to do?

_Later that evening..._

It was around dinner time, and Lana sat in the corner booth of Charming's little diner picking at a roll and sipping a glass of lemon water. Her stomach felt like it was full of butterflies, and it wasn't the baby. Tara was on her way, and Lana had decided to tell her the truth. She definitely owed her that much and then some.

It had been a few hours since her Doctor's appointment that had confirmed what she was praying wasn't true, and she had to get it off her chest before her heart exploded into 1000 tiny pieces. Lana was an adult, and she was prepared for whatever Tara's reaction might be. She was holding her breath that she might not haul off and punch Lana in the face, but she knew that was always an option. Truth be told, she deserved whatever happened.

She had been avoiding Tara like she was the plague. She hadn't answered phone calls, and when Tara had pounded on her front door she had pretended to be sleeping. A text message was easy to hide behind, but a face to face conflict wasn't as easy. She couldn't keep pushing off the inevitable. Just this morning she had looked at herself in the mirror, and she could have sworn that her tummy was just the tiniest bit more round. She knew that to the naked eye it wouldn't look like anything, but Lana knew her body and knew it was the first hint of her future baby bump. She had to tell Tara before the bump betrayed her. The only thing that could make all of this worse was not telling anyone anything, and letting everyone just figure it out.

The bells on the diner door jingled and Lana looked up to catch Tara's brown head bob into the entrance way, baby Thomas resting on her hip. Lana swallowed hard. "Highchair, please?" Tara called out as she made her way quickly over to her best friend hiding away in the corner...Lana took a deep breath. 'Here we go' she thought, as she forced herself to smile back...

**_Not too much drama in this chapter. Next chapter will go a little deeper. I really wanted to get across the message that Lana really is struggling with a decision as to what she will do with this baby. I'm also trying to show everyone that even though she made a mistake, she's really not a bad person. Her mistake is eating her up inside, and shit is only bound to get worse...right? Stay tuned to find out! And please, leave me a review! This story is so fresh that you're support is really going to keep it going. Thanks everyone!_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you again to everyone that keeps reviewing! I love them all, even if they're to tell me you hate my character. Lol. He's the next installment of Bye Bye Baby and I hope you enjoy! **I've almost got another chapter for "Take a Walk" done as well, so go check out that story too if you haven't already!** Thanks again everyone!**_

**Chapter 3-**

_Lana grunted under his weight as he collapsed on top of her after releasing himself deep inside of her. Now that they had finished, she had time to actually think about what she had just done. 'Thank god for birth control' she thought to herself before instantly feeling a ball of guilt beginning to form in her lower tummy. She had just had sex with Jackson Teller, President of the Sons of Anarchy and estranged husband to her best friend, and he was still inside of her. _

_She pushed gently on his chest as she wiggled her way out from underneath him, scurrying around the room to find her discarded clothing. She felt his eyes burning holes into her bare skin and suddenly she felt exposed. She knew it was silly to try and hide behind the wad of clothing as she searched for her lost panties, and her cheeks burned red from the embarrassment she felt over her loss of judgement and shame at the fact that she had really enjoyed herself. Hell, her legs were still shaking from the orgasm that had ripped through her like a tidal wave and had soaked the bed sheets!_

_"Lana..." his voice was low and husky "...what are you doing?" She kicked his jeans on the floor still searching for missing lingerie, avoiding his blue grey gaze she answered, "just trying to find my uh, my...my undies. I need to leave." She didn't hear him stand, and was only aware of his presence behind her when his hand grazed her left hip as it moved around to her tummy, pulling her flush against him so her ear was near his mouth. "I don't think you'll be needing them anytime soon, darlin" he whispered, his hot breath sending a shiver down her spine._

_Her tummy rippled with goosebumps as his fingertips traced the space beneath her belly button. She almost relaxed back into his arms, but then his prepay rang out from some other room in the house. He sighed, kissed her shoulder, and told her not to move before exiting the bedroom, still naked, to find his phone. Lana let out a long, low breath before glancing around the room. The bed was torn apart and pillows were laying all around, clothing was strewn everywhere, and the smell of sex hung heavy in the air as a picture of Jax with Tara stared back at her from on top of the dresser._

_Suddenly she was suffocating._

_The room felt like it was closing in around her. All at once Lana felt a panic attack sneaking up, and she had to get out. Screw her panties. She would just have to go commando for now, because there was no way she could stay here any longer. She quickly pulled on her skinny jeans and snapped her bra back into place before pulling her dark red tank over her head. Her shoes were laying near the bedroom door, and she quickly secured the heels to her feet before hurrying down the hall. _

_Jax was standing in the living room. He had pulled a pair of loose sweats on, and his back was facing her. She saw him notice her reflection in the mirror before turning around and cutting her off with a narrowing of his eyes. She was frozen in place, like a deer in headlights. She felt conflicted, like her body was being ripped in half._

_Her bottom half quivered at the sight of the bulge in his sweatpants and at the way his muscles rippled with every breath he took, but her top half felt like it was being crushed under the weight of what they had just done. Jax spoke quickly into the phone, something about how he'd "take care of it", before snapping it shut and sliding it into the pocket of his sweats._

_"I thought I told you to stay put," he spoke, his mouth pulling up into a smirk. Lana shook her head. Jax had been her friend as long as she had known Tara and she had never felt this nervous in front of him. "Jax, we both know I can't do that." He walked over to her slowly, his movements almost cat like, and Lana felt like the prey of a huge lion. _

_"Jax..." she spoke again, backing herself up to the wall "...we can't do this." Only another foot or so and she could throw herself out the front door. The room was spinning and she continued to feel more and more suffocated as he got closer, and closer...until finally he stood only inches in front of her. His lips found hers, and she felt powerless as they moved in rhythm with one another. His body collided into hers as his hand slid behind her neck, forcing her head back, and deepening the kiss as their tongues explored each others mouth. _

_Lana moaned. Jax lifted her hands above her head and pinned them in place with one hand while his other one made its way down her side. All at once, even though her body wanted to be contorted and pounded into ecstasy again, her mind snapped out of it and she shook her way out of his grasp. His face was twisted in confusion as he responded to her actions. "Jax..." Lana breathed, "Tara is my best friend and your wife. What the fuck are we doing? What the fuck did we just do?" She pointed at the bedroom, "that shit can't happen again."_

_Jax ran a hand through his dark blonde hair, slicking it back into place. His nostrils flared just a little and Lana was scared that she had struck a chord with the dangerous biker. When he spoke, she flinched. He almost growled, "Tara left...she took my boys, and she fucking took off. She packed up my life, and she left me here alone, Lana. If that doesn't say 'I'm done' then I don't know what does." She almost felt bad as he continued, "as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a wife anymore..."_

_She didn't know what to say, and she was grateful when he opened the front door for her and nodded his head toward the opening. He stated that maybe it really was best that she left, and promised he would text her some other time. She hadn't argued with him, and took it as her out. She had left feeling fucked up. Like she reminded herself, Jax was her friend too. Sure, Tara was her best friend, but seeing the hurt in his eyes when he spoke about Tara leaving had really cast a gloom on Lana's mood. She shook the guilt off as she got back in her car and started driving back to her apartment, where Tara and the boys sat waiting..._

Lana snorted as she reminisced about that first night with Jax. She had been such an idiot. She had known why Tara left, and yet she had felt so remorseful for him...like it wasn't entirely his fault that Tara didn't feel safe in his presence. She knew damn well then, just like she did now, that Jax couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Tara had finally had enough, and that was just the start of it! So many other factors went into the strain that was the Teller-Knowles marriage, but that hadn't stopped her from going back for seconds.

When he had text her a few days later she hadn't even thought twice about responding. He had calmed her nerves by reminding her that him and Tara weren't together, and that she had nothing to feel bad about. He had been so convincing. Even though Tara was temporarily taking up residence with her, Jax had still been able to convince her that she wasn't to be a part of his life anymore.

Jax had filled her head with sweet words. Then he had propositioned her for dirty pictures, and that was all it had taken. That had led to a two week long, whirlwind of an affair that they had before Tara had decided to return to him and they had worked it out. It had really thrown her for a loop. Tara still wanted a way out, but she said she didn't feel strong enough to leave yet. She had told Lana that she needed to go back, and so Lana had met with Jax one last time to tell him that they couldn't keep up what they were doing.

She had really been scared that he was going to be pissed that she had hidden Tara from him, but when his eyes began to sparkle at the mention of her wanting to work things out, Lana had known she was in the clear.

Now here she sat, in a tiny diner booth six weeks later with his baby growing inside of her as Tara got Thomas situated in his highchair.

Lana caught herself staring at the blonde hair'd, blue eyed little boy with the chubby cheeks in awe and wonder. She had had always spent a lot of time with both Abel and Thomas, but she had never really looked at them so deeply. Now, though, she was studying the tiny features that mimicked both Tara, in the nose and ears, and Jax, in everything else about the little boy...thinking about what features from both of them that her baby might inherit.

"Earth to Lana!" Snap! Snap! Lana quickly pulled her attention away from the giggling Thomas and turned it onto Tara, who was laughing quietly at Lana for being so spaced out. Tara, although smiling, looked absolutely exhausted. The dark bags under her eyes hung low on her cheeks, and her short brown hair wasn't as styled as she normally liked it to be. Lana asked, "are you ok?" reflexively.

"Am I ok? You're the one who's been sick for a week...I should be asking you that question," Tara answered and Lana thought she sounded offended. "I know, I'm sorry...there's just been so much shit, oops!" Lana covered her hand with her mouth and looked at Thomas, who was currently staring at her with intense blue eyes. Tara had said previously that he had started trying to repeat words.

Just then the waitress came over and gave them both menus, smiling brightly while giving Thomas some crayons and paper and jotting down what they wanted to drink. Lana stuck with more water. She really didn't think that her stomach could handle anything heavier than that. She wasn't freaking out like she thought she would, but looking at Tara face to face for the first time since finding out she was pregnant had her on the edge of her seat, and close to the brink of an anxiety attack. She focused on her breathing.

"I mean, I've had a lot of...stuff" cautious glance"...going on, and I just needed some time to get my head together." Tara furrowed her brow, "Are we still talking about how sick you were?" Lana nervously began picking at the napkin on the table. "I mean, technically yes...but," huge sigh "there's more to it and I'm not sure how to..." "Thomas!" Tara cut her off, "No! That's not what we do with crayons!" Tara quickly grabbed the small blue crayon from Thomas as he sucked on the end of it. He quickly began to wail and Tara closed her eyes.

Lana knew, then, that there was more reason behind why Tara looked so drained. She had never seen Thomas throwing a tantrum like the one he was starting to throw now. He was transitioning into toddlerhood, and "terrible two's" were only a few months away. Lana watched as Tara worked to calm the screaming boy; smoothing his hair, kissing his head...after what felt like minutes had gone by, he finally started to lower his cries. Tara cast apologetic glances around the small diner before returning her attention to Lana.

"I'm sorry," Tara spoke, "he's been acting up lately...I know he's going through stages but it keeps getting worse." Tara rubbed her temples as she continued, "me and Jax have been fighting everyday. The boys hear it, sometimes they see it. I know it affects them." Lana frowned, "I'm sorry, that sucks. What are you guys even fighting about?" Lana's anxiety went out the window, and her concerned nature took over.

Tara frowned, "what aren't we fighting about? He's...he's the same man I tried to leave a couple months ago. How am I supposed to keep loving a man who..." Tara paused when the waitress came to take their order, politely taking the crayons back from Thomas. He didn't scream this time. Tara waited for the waitress to go behind the counter before leaning closer and nearing a whisper, "a man who does the things that he does. Do you have any idea what it's like to be touched by someone that may or may not have murdered someone that same day?"

Lana swallowed hard. Yeah, she did know how it felt to be touched, caressed, kissed, and more by someone who had murdered someone that day. She recalled the second time she had gone to see Jax at the Club House. There had been blood splattered across his usually stark white sneakers, and when they had showered together she remembered how the water ran red for just a moment as he rubbed his hands together. Oh yeah, she had most certainly been touched EVERYWHERE by a killer.

She had zoned out again and hadn't realized that Tara was still talking, "...and my boys. How do I take them away from their Father? Abel idolizes Jax, and that scares me more than anything else, I think. I could never forgive myself if that little boy grew up into being his Dad." Lana reached across the table and grabbed Tara's hand, "look, I know you love Jax...you wouldn't have married him if you didn't, but sometimes that isn't enough." Tara gave an exasperated laugh, "don't I know it. I just keep trying to see a future without him, but it's so hard. Sometimes I think he'd be ok if I left."

The waitress brought them their food, and Lana began to slowly pick at her fries as Tara continued while cutting up Thomas's chicken nuggets into smaller bits. "The club..." a quick shake of her head "...it consumes him completely. If I were to leave, he'd just spiral deeper down inside of it. He's got his brothers, he's got all the whores he can handle..." Lana cast a downward glance at Tara's comment about whores, but he kept listening as Tara vented, "...he'd be fine. It's just so hard to bring myself to a place where I can be comfortable never seeing him again. Every time he comes home with a new battle scar, or the smell of some other woman's perfume, I get a little closer to finally taking that leap."

How was she supposed to follow Tara's speech with what she had to tell her? Clearly the woman was living in Hell, and what she needed right now was a friend to lean on. Lana was that friend, regardless of the mistakes she had made, she still loved Tara very much and felt for her deeply. "I'm so sorry, Tara. It can't be easy for you..." she spoke between bites "...Jax has definitely changed since the first year I started getting to know you guys. Everything has changed, really. I mean look at the club. People are dying left and right...that never happened before."

Tara nodded, taking a sip of her soda before responding. "I know. I tried telling Jax years ago that this would happen, but he was so good at convincing me that every thing would be ok...and I loved him, I LOVE him, so much." Lana kept eating. She knew exactly how convincing Jax could be, and she felt for Tara. "You know, you've been the closest thing to a sister I've ever had. Thanks for listening...I know I'm just dumping all of my problems on you. Tara tried to laugh so the heaviness in the air would lift, but Lana's hormones chose this very moment to go out of whack and she burst into tears.

Tara trusted her, and she was about to completely destroy that. Right now, in that moment, Lana couldn't for the life of her get her crying in check as she continued to feel worse and worse. Tara didn't miss a beat, "Lana! Are you ok? What's wrong? Did I say something?" Lana struggled through her tears to respond as the entire diner turned to look at her. She probably looked like a bubbering idiot, but she just couldn't stop.

"I, I...I'm...I'm..." at this point she could barely see Tara's face through the tears "...sorry! Ta...Tara...I'm sorry, I'm...I'm...preg...nant..." Lana started to get mad at herself. She willed herself to settle down, but her hormones would not allow that. The tears only kept snaking down her cheeks like tiny salty rivers. "You're...what?" Tara responded, "did you say pregnant?" Lana could only manage to nod her head as she blew her nose in her napkin.

"Lana! That's...that's so exciting!" Tara smiled a wide, pearly white smile. "Babies are truly a blessing. How far along are you?" Lana held up six fingers as she started catching her breath. After getting the first part off her chest, she felt better and the tears had started to subside. "So you must have just found out, huh? That's great Lana, you're going to make such a good Mom. You're amazing with the boys."

Lana shook her head, "I don't know if I'm keeping it, Tara. It's unexpected...it's, it's not a good thing." Tara smiled warmly, "I almost didn't keep Thomas, remember? I really considered terminating my pregnancy. Even now, though...even though I'm terrified of his Father, I wouldn't go back in time and go through with it." "Tara, don't...you don't understand. I'm pregnant, but..." "...but what? You're scared?" Tara cut her off, "of course I understand. I got pregnant once, too." She laughed but continued, "but then I realized that I was over thirty with a decent job, and that I could afford to raise a baby. Don't mind that I was, then engaged, to a felon."

Tara was trying to calm her nerves. She was trying to make Lana happy about having a baby, and showing she was excited...but Lana still had a bomb to drop. "I know, I knooow...ugh, Tara. I just, there's more I have to tell you..." Tara sat back, adjusting the food on Thomas's tray to redirect his attention to finishing his lunch, "okay, but I stand by what I said. I really think you should reconsider keeping the baby." Lana sighed, "Tara...the reason I'm freaking out so much is because..."

_**What's a good story without a cliff hanger? Lol. Please leave a review! They really encourage me to keep writing, and again...don't forget that this story is NOT predictable. You may think you have figured it all out, but you probably haven't. Lol. Even if you hate Lana, she's going to continue to be my main character. I hope you all enjoyed this new chapter!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you all again for reading! Whether good or bad, I value every review that I get! Also, I respond to PM if any of you have a question you'd like to ask me personally or anything you'd like to say in private. I've talked to a few of you, and I'm open to talking to more :) I'm going to be dropping the rating by one spot. The story is developing more and I don't forsee any immediate scenes that call for the M rating. Sorry if that bums anyone out, but my other two stories deserve the M rating for sure so you can check those out ;) That being said, there will be some swearing and sexual content still. Thanks again for reading, guys!**_

_***This chapter is just a smidge shorter than the other ones, but I'll make up for that soon!**_

**Chapter 4-**

Ring! Ring! Tara's phone rang out, cutting Lana off mid-sentence. She had just been about to drop the big news about Jax being the baby's father when she had been interrupted by the incoming call. Tara's brow furrowed as she looked to see who was calling, "I'm sorry. It's Jax, he's coming to pick up Thomas to take him to Gemma's. I was supposed to let him know where I was...hello?"

Lana sat motionless. She could feel the knot in her tummy tightening just thinking about what she had just been ready to admit out loud, and suddenly she had the overwhelming urge to puke. She scrambled from the booth and made her way toward the bathroom, brushing off Tara's worried look by mouthing "it's ok." She had barely locked the door before the nausea really began. She felt dizzy and hot, and the room started to spin immediately.

She dropped to her knees and immediately began rocking back and forth. She knew this wasn't morning sickness, but rather her guilt kicking her in the ass. She had just been about to tell Tara her secret, confident that it had been the right thing to do...now, however, she felt she couldn't do it. The thought of telling Tara what she had done ripped through her and she didn't think she could go through with it today. Especially with Jax on his way to the diner to pick up Thomas.

She didn't throw up, only felt like it for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. She slowly lifted herself from the floor and dusted off her knees, splashed her face with cold water, and made her way back to the little corner booth.

Tara was off the phone and was working on packing up Thomas and his belongings. "Hey, you alright? Suddenly you went pale as a ghost." Lana smiled weakly, "Yeah, I'm sorry...I just, I've been getting sick a lot." Tara laughed a little, "it's just beginning. With Thomas, every morning when I woke up I had to eat some saltines and drink a glass of ginger ale. It's hard right now, but morning sickness typically doesn't last to term." Lana wanted to tell Tara it wasn't morning sickness. She wanted to scream that it was her guilt and beg Tara to forgive her, but instead she thanked her for her advice and made small talk until Jax arrived.

"What were you saying? Before Jax called...?" Tara asked earnestly. Lana took a big gulp of water, trying to keep herself calm enough to function and not cause alarm. Her hormones were already scrambled as it was, and her emotions were completely out of whack. She shook her head, "nothing. It was nothing...I can't even remember." She had committed to not telling Tara right now while she had been in the bathroom. She couldn't avoid it forever, but she just couldn't do it. There was someone else she needed to talk to first, and she was heading there after she left the diner.

Tara looked skeptical but chose to just nod her head in response, "ok, well...regardless, I'm sure Jax will let me give you some of the boys' old things. You're going to need a crib, and theirs is still in great condition." Lana shook her head, "you can't tell Jax that I'm pregnant. He can't find out." The skeptical look returned to Tara's face, "why can't I tell Jax?" Lana's mouth went dry. 'Shit' she thought, thinking fast she responded "because...I don't need the whole town finding out about this yet." "Lana, he'd probably only tell the club...maybe, he probably wouldn't mind to it much at all actually."

Just then the little bell on the front door signaled someones arrival. Tara's back was facing the door, but Lana saw with perfect clarity as the subject of their discussion came strolling into the diner. He was wearing a white and black flannel and wasn't donning his typical leather motorcycle kutte. Lana felt her face grow red. It wasn't red with lust, although she did note that he looked good like always, but rather at embarrassment for what she had done and anger at the outcome of it. This was the first time she had seen Jax since the night she had told him that they couldn't keep up their affair, but more importantly since she had found out about her pregnancy. His eyes met hers over Tara's shoulder, and the knot returned to her tummy.

"Just please, Tara...don't say anything," Lana whispered as Jax approached their booth. Tara frowned, but quickly glanced up at her husband as he reached them. "Hey," Tara smiled as Jax leaned in to give his wife a small kiss. "Hey," he replied before looking at Lana and nodding his head in her direction in greeting. She looked down, opting to peek at him through her lashes. Tara didn't seem to notice the awkward exchange, and instead began to hand over the baby's belongings and giving him specific direction on when to feed him again.

Jax's eyes flicked to Lana for just a moment before returning his full attention to Tara, "babe, I don't need to know every detail about everything. I am his Dad, I think I know how much juice to give him." Tara grunted, "it's just been awhile since you made him a sippy, Jax, I was just reminding you." He mumbled "yeah" before lifting Thomas from his high chair, clearly a little annoyed. "I'll be late tonight. We've got some business to handle with Nero and I don't know when I'll be home." Tara didn't say word. She stared straight ahead, past Lana and through the wall.

"Ok?" he asked, pushing for a response. Tara turned and wiggled Thomas' foot, "I love you honey, I'll see you tomorrow," she spoke to the little boy who only giggled and kicked in response. Lana noticed Jax's nostrils were flaring ever so slightly and he was scowling. He shook his head before turning to leave. He didn't call out a farewell greeting, and he didn't look back at them. Clearly something had happened in the few minutes he had been there that had set them both on edge.

"What was that all about" Lana pressed her luck. Tara pushed a fry through her puddle of ketchup before answering, "business with Nero usually means they'll be at Diosa..." Lana knew what that meant. One of the women Tara had caught Jax with was at Diosa, and she was worried that he would cheat on her again. "He said it was business, I'm sure it'll be fine," she said, trying to reassure her friend. Tara shook her head, "it's what happens after the business is all taken care of that worries me."

Lana frowned in response. She wanted to tell Tara not to worry, and that maybe she was just over- thinking things...but she couldn't. She couldn't reassure her that everything would be ok because she didn't know. She'd like to think that Jax would take care of business then return home to Tara, but lately his track record hadn't been the best. It made Lana sad, and she was part of the problem. Her baby was going to cause so much turmoil in the little town of Charming...

...Lana stared at the stone in front of her, jutting out of the ground and casting a shadow across the plush grass. She had just left dinner with Tara and this was the only place she could go to catch her breath. Intricate lettering spelled out her Mothers name, next to her laid Lana's Father, and every time she traced the words her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. She needed to talk to her Mom right now, almost more than ever.

It had been ten years since the tragic automobile accident that had taken both of the Shelapova parents, but sometimes Lana thought it felt like ten days. Especially now when she could use her Mother's somber words and wise advice. She had her brothers blessing, but having her Mothers would mean a world of difference to her. She felt alone. Technically she knew she wasn't, not by a long shot, but she was carrying a secret that weighed her down significantly and the one person she could bare to tell was laid to rest about six feet below where she sat.

Lana closed her eyes and let the sun warm her skin, taking a deep breath and allowing her lungs to fill with fresh air. She missed her parents every day. All of the Shelapova kids did. Even drew, who was defiant and currently incarcerated. Before their parents had been taken, the family home had been a warm and inviting place. The smell of good food was always around every corner and it was filled with love. Afterwards, though, it had turned cold. The boys had to go stay with their Grandma in Lodi and Lana had gotten herself a dingy little apartment above the Hairy Dog. It was only after she had met Tara that she had moved from that little hole in the wall into a much bigger, decent apartment in the same neighborhood as Teller-Morrow.

So much had happened since her parents had passed, but nothing had happened quite so drastic. Nothing had really made Lana want to confide in her mother more than now. "Oh, Mama..." she spoke into the wind "...I miss you so much. There's so much I need to tell you." She laid back in the grass like she had done so many times, and opened up.

"I'm pregnant Mama. I'm pregnant, and I don't know what to do. I know you never met Tara, but I've told you about her a thousand times. Well, it's her husband that got me pregnant, and I feel so awful..." tears slid down the sides of her face, but this time she let them. She stared up into the puffy white clouds, willing her words to Heaven.

"I feel like a bad person. Like...I feel like I don't deserve to keep this baby. I want to..." she finally admitted out loud "I want to keep it, but Lord knows that I don't deserve to. I have so much love to give, Mama. I feel like this was supposed to happen, and that makes me feel even worse." Lana began sobbing. She was finally admitting to herself that she wanted to keep the baby, and the feeling was a little overwhelming. A breeze washed over her then, and she was sure it was her Mom hugging her.

If this was her final decision then she would have to figure out a game plan. She'd have to figure out exactly what she had to do, and she would have to do whatever it was before the baby got here. She'd have to find a place to live, her current apartment was only one bedroom, and she would have to gather everything she needed for the baby. She already new she wouldn't have a baby shower, that she wouldn't allow. She felt as if, as punishment, she would have to make sure she did everything as alone as possible.

If she stayed in Charming then she couldn't tell a soul who the baby's Dad was. There were a lot of complications with that, but she would sort them out. She would have to come up with some better excuse than "I can't remember" but she was sure she probably could. What if the baby looked just like Jax? What if it was the spitting image of Abel or Thomas and someone questioned her. Surely somebody had seen her leaving the club house that night. Not to mention Jax himself.

The second second he found out she was pregnant he would know it was his. He wasn't an idiot, and he knew she hadn't had sex for awhile before him. She had told him that the first night they had hooked up. What would he have to say about this whole ordeal? Lana was scared at what Jax might do to her if he found out.

She knew Tara was trying to make her marriage work, but if she found out that Jax had gotten another woman pregnant than she wasn't so sure there would be a way to salvage through any of that carnage. If she was the reason that Tara left, that final straw that broke the camels back, then she wasn't so sure that Jax would remain calm. He was a very dangerous man that loved his family very much, and didn't take anything that might harm their bond lightly. Lana didn't want to think that Jax would hurt her or the baby, but she had seen Ima a few days after he gotten done with her for waving a gun around in the club house.

Ok, so the other option would be to leave Charming. She could pack up her bags, throw a dart at a map and head to whatever town it landed on. She could find another salon to work at, and start to rebuild her life again while raising the baby. If she was going to do it alone in Charming anyways, what was the difference between staying here and going somewhere else?

Her brother was here, though. Both of them were, as well as her parents being buried here. Charming had always been her home. There were memories written all over the small town and the thought of leaving hurt her heart a bit. She had to face it, though, if she was keeping this baby then she would have to make sacrifices.

Either way, whether she moved or stayed, Lana knew she'd lose her best friend. There was no way that Tara would forgive her for what she had done, and she knew there was no way she could ask Jax to be a part of this baby's life. If she was being honest with herself, she didn't want him to be there. She didn't want to tell Tara so that she could really focus on keeping her relationship in tact. Jax had to grow up someday, and when he did she wanted it to be Tara reaping those benefits.

The last thing she had ever intended on happening was her sleeping with Jax, and then ending up pregnant because of it. It was never a premeditated idea, so she had never had any kind of game plan. Lana wasn't even sure she had wanted her own kids in general let alone have the baby of a married man. None of her options seemed like they would come easy, but really she didn't think she deserved the easy way out anyways. She wasn't by nature a bad person, but she was a little naive at times and now she had to pay for her ignorance.

She knew she couldn't blame only Jax for what had happened. She was a grown adult. She knew what and how sex worked, and she had consciously made the decision to sleep with him, and then do it again a couple weeks later. How she had justified it then, when it most certainly was unjustifiable, was beyond her. Jax had been very good at covering his tracks and making it seem like there was nothing wrong, but again...she couldn't just blame him.

He couldn't have banked on this happening either. She was sure that Jax didn't plan on getting her pregnant, and if either of them had known this would happen then they wouldn't have done it. They shouldn't have done it anyways, but had they known she would wind up carrying a baby then there would have been no chance. She found herself wishing she could talk it over with him, too.

Lana rolled onto her side in the grass and pulled her knees up toward her belly. She wiped the tears away quickly but let them keep falling. "What am I supposed to do Mama?" She whispered into the wind before drifting off as the warm breeze continued to blow...

_**So she's keeping the baby! She needed to talk to her Mom, and ultimately she finally decided to keep it. That's going to make things a little complicated, huh? Also, Tara still doesn't know that Jax is Dad. I would hate to be in Lana's shoes. I hope you're enjoying, and please leave me a review! It keeps me writing, and I really do take all of your advice! Thanks again!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5-**

"Dangit!" Lana exclaimed as the shears slid across her finger, drawing a thin line of blood on her porcelain skin. She quickly deposited the hair cutting equipment into her jar of sanitizer as she adressed her client, "I'm sorry Vikki, this'll only take a minute. I've gotta get a band-aid." Vikki, one of Lana's regulars, gave her a smile, "that's the second cut today, dear. You alright?"

Lana laughed it off, "I'm fine, I'm just careless sometimes." It had been almost a month since she had come out to Tara about her pregnancy, and she was now ten weeks along. Her belly had definitely taken on a distinct roundness, but it was still mostly hidden under her work apron. She still wasn't letting it get out that she was pregnant even though she had decided she was keeping the baby. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her decision to keep it, that ship had sailed a couple weeks ago, but Jax didn't know yet and she wasn't sure when she would tell him. She thought that maybe, just maybe he might be the person she needed to tell the most.

Lana had finally come to terms with what had happened, and she was confident in her decision to keep her baby. From the moment she had allowed herself to admit that she was going to be a Mom, her immediate focus had shifted from herself to the tiny life growing inside of her. After accepting that she couldn't go back in time, the knot in her stomach had ceased and she had found herself kneeling over a toilet a lot less.

She hadn't forgotten that she had made a mistake, but she had accepted it and wouldn't dwell on it any longer. She had to make plans for her and her child's future and her nine month term wasn't going to slow down. She would have to tell Tara someday, she'd have to tell Jax, and she would have to deal with whatever consequences would come of it. For now, though, she just wanted to make it through each day taking care of herself and her little fetus. She didn't think it'd do much good for the baby if she was stressed all the time.

After finishing up with Vikki, Lana quickly cleaned her station and hung up her apron. She had signed up for an "Expecting Mother's" yoga class, two towns over of course,and tonight was her first time going. "Someone's rushing like they're late for something special..." Tiffany said a little under her breath. Lana rolled her eyes toward the wall as she leaned down to grab her purse. Tiffany was nice enough most days, but lately it seemed like something might have crawled up her ass and died.

"Yeah, I told you I've got something to do tonight. I need to get out of here," Lana responded, rushing past the front desk and heading for the big glass door. "Must be nice to be in such high demand!" Tiffany called after her. Lana didn't hesitate before swinging around and slamming her things to the ground, "what's your deal Tiff? You've been on my case for days now. Do you have something to say, or what?"

Two other girls were still gathering up their work stations, one still had a client, but had stopped to watch the scene unfolding in front of them. "Yeah, I do." Tiffany stated, sweeping her long blonde hair back over her shoulder before placing her hand on a slender hip that was now jutted out to the side. She used her other finger to point accusingly at Lana, "you've been messing around with Rob." It was a simple statement, but it made Lana's mouth drop open.

"Rob? Your boyfriend, Rob? What the fuck? I haven't seen Rob since your birthday party almost four months ago," she answered, perplexed. Lana had no idea what Tiffany was talking about, but this was an absurd accusation. Tiff lowered her sharp point, but remained skeptical, "but, Ella said she saw you to together...who else could've gotten you pregnant?" Ella was one of the newer stylists that worked at the salon. Everyone knew she was a little two-faced, but outright lying was a new twist. Her eyes widened into saucers, "Ella said what!? And where did you hear I was pregnant?"

She could feel her cheeks burning red with anger. There was a reason she had been hiding her pregnancy, and she really though she had been doing a good job at it. Now, it would seem, the secret was getting out. Tiffany stammered over her words, "I...I saw pictures of some girl on Rob's phone, and Ella said she had seen you two together, like I previously stated. She said not to mention it until we had more proof...the girl never sent her face. Do you think, no...do you think Ella is the girl he's been cheating on me with?" Lana waved her hands in front of her dismissively, "woah woah woah, wait...what? Tiff, where did you hear that I'm pregnant?"

Tiffany shrugged, her eyes darting all around the room as she processed her own stupidity in believing Ella. "I don't know, Alyssa?" she called to the timid looking brunette quietly packing her things in the corner. She looked up as her name was called and Tiff continued, "wanna tell Lana what you've been noticing?" Alyssa looked like a deer caught in headlights as she smoothed her apron down in front. The client sitting at the station next to her own was listening intently. 'Great,' Lana thought, 'another person to spread gossip...'

"Well..." Alyssa started slowly, "...don't take this the wrong way, but you've put on a little weight." Alyssa began to trace her own toned tummy before continuing, "more specifically in this area...I noticed it a few days ago when you wore that really cute yellow tunic. When you leaned up to hang your apron on it's hook, I caught a glance. I asked Tiff if she had noticed anything...I'm sorry, I didn't know you hadn't told anyone!"

Lana pinched the sides of her nose as a migraine began to set it. She had known that shirt was too short when she had put it on that day, but she didn't think anything of it because she didn't think anyone paid attention. Boy had she been wrong.

If the word got out before Lana could tell the one person that still needed to know, then she knew she might have to fear for her life. If Jax heard she was pregnant, he'd most certainly put it all together and would be highly pissed off if the news didn't come from the horses mouth. She knew that Jax deserved to hear it from her, and now it seemed like her plan to tell him would have to be put into overdrive and she'd have to figure it out soon..

"Well?" Tiffany nudged, "I don't know what to believe anymore...are you pregnant or what?" Lana leaned down to pick up her discarded items laying across the floor, "I don't think it's anyone's business until I want to announce it, but yeah. I'm pregnant, and it's not Rob's. Jesus Christ, Tiff. You could have confronted me instead of making my work life Hell for almost a week." Tiffany dropped her head in shame as Lana continued, "and you" she pointed at Alyssa, "you should have asked me before talking to Tiffany."

Lana gave one last glance at her boss before shaking her head, "keep this shit to yourself for now...all of you, please." She addressed the other people in the salon before turning on her heel and marching out of the front door signaling an abrupt end to the conversation.

Her yoga class started in a half hour, and at this rate she was going to be late which pissed her off even more. She was upset that her pregnancy had gotten out. She knew that eventually it was going to, but she was only ten weeks and it was spreading faster than a wild fire. She hadn't planned on telling Jax anytime soon, and thinking about it now made her heart jump into her throat.

Lana's head was still racing a mile a minute when Tara rang in. She had picked up on the anxious tone in Lana's voice almost immediately, and after Lana had told her what happened had invited her over after her yoga class. Tara had informed her that Jax was staying at the Clubhouse for the night, and that the boys would love to see her. Of course Lana had agreed to go. She needed to vent, and bounce her theories of off somebody and there was nobody better than Tara. Not to mention, seeing Abel and Thomas always helped to ease some stress.

She sighed as she sped down the little back roads carrying her out of town. None of this was going to be easy. Even thought today was better than yesterday, and yesterday was better than a few weeks back, she knew that she wasn't in the clear as far as having this baby was concerned. She needed to tell Jax. If she could just bring herself to admit to him that she was carrying his child, then maybe he could talk her through some of the hard decisions she still had yet to make.

He was her friend, too. Well, he had been at least. It seemed that since they had slept together they had sort of drifted apart. She couldn't blame him though. She avoided him too, so she was just as much to blame. She couldn't look at him without seeing him naked anymore, and she felt embarrassed by that. Even though she was a grown adult, seeing him in her mind the way she did felt wrong. It was like when she was a kid and had found a stash of nudey magazines tucked away in the back closet. She knew she'd be in trouble if anyone found out she had looked, but she couldn't get the image out of her mind...and she kind of didn't want to. That's why she avoided him at all costs.

Lana didn't have romantic feelings for Jax, though. Sure, she had been able to connect with him on a conversational level as well as the physical, but she had never once thought about being with him. She knew his heart belonged to Tara, and Tara's heart belonged to him. Even now, in her current state, Lana accepted that she would never have a happy family. Her story consisted of her and baby, not her and baby plus Daddy. She knew that the moment she found out she was pregnant, and even though it did kind of make her sad, she didn't want it any other way if it meant her best friend would still get her happily ever after. She prayed that this wouldn't tear them apart, and she would do everything in her power to see both of them happy.

She would just have to do her best at trying to explain that to him when she told him. She hoped his anger wouldn't take control and that he could see she didn't want anything from him. She knew he could be violent when it came to protecting his family, but he wasn't that way out of nature. The last time they had real conversation he had admitted to her that he didn't like the person he was becoming, and sometimes he felt like he wasn't in control of his own mind or body sometimes. Maybe when he found out she was pregnant he wouldn't feel like his family was being threatened by an unforeseen source. Maybe.

Or maybe he would freak out and force her to get rid of it. Maybe he'd force her to leave town immediately...he was extremely powerful, after-all. As the President of a major Motorcycle Club, Jax had the power to get pretty much anything he wanted. Tara was sick of that power, and wanted to get him away from his club, but she even couldn't deny that those men had authority over most anything in Charming.

She had a lot to consider when it came to telling Jax about their baby. She wanted to make it very clear that she intended on keeping it, and raising it on her own, but she just hoped that he would listen to her before having a breakdown. He couldn't have meant for this to happen either. She was sure his intentions weren't to have another baby, especially with things heating up like they had been, with a woman that wasn't his wife.

Lana's mind was getting cloudy again. Much like it had when she had first learned she was with child. If Alyssa could have kept her mouth shut, then maybe she wouldn't feel like she was getting overworked again. She had, before learning that other unwelcomed people knew of her pregnancy, been doing great. She would have to regain control over this tough situation...but first thing first, she needed to tackle this yoga class. It was meant to relieve stress, and she needed that more than ever, how hard could it be?

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"It was really hard. I didn't realize that I was so out of shape!" Lana exclaimed. She had gotten to Tara's house a few minutes earlier and she had asked about her class. "I don't know if I'm going back." Tara smiled, "it gets easier the more you do it, I'm sure. It's a good way to stay in shape while you're pregnant." "Did you do baby yoga when you were pregnant?" Lana already knew the answer before Tara shook her head, "no...just, no."They both laughed.

Lana was sitting in the rocking chair, Thomas on her lap, while Tara helped Abel change into his pj's. She had ran a little later than she wanted to, because on her drive over she had the craving for some ice cream. Of course she had to stop at the little stand near downtown and get the biggest chocolate cone that she could. If she kept up the eating habits then she would DEFINITELY need to stick with the yoga to stay in shape.

Due to her smaller frame, the Doctor had recommended she gain around twenty-five pounds over the length of time until she was full term. She had already put on a few pounds, as Alyssa very graciously pointed out earlier, and if her cravings didn't change then she had the feeling she'd have no problem gaining all of that weight in no time.

Lana finished helping Tara get the boys to sleep before following her out to the kitchen. She sat at the little table while Tara got them both some water. "So how are you feeling?" Tara asked over her shoulder while slicing the lemon for their drinks. Lana let out a long sigh, "I don't know...I feel better, I guess. It's just weird getting use to people finding out about stuff, you know?" Tara handed her a cold glass before taking a seat across the table, "tell me about it. In a small town, word travels fast...I can remember when I first started showing. It's like...people, they don't have any respect. I got stared at and whispered about everywhere." Tara shook the memory out of her head.

"I remember," Lana spoke up, "I use to get pretty defensive when I heard them talk about you like you were making a mistake or something." Tara chewed on the inside of her cheek for a second before, "you know, everyone thought I was crazy...keeping the baby of man that was in prison" she sighed and took a sip of water "but after I almost lost Thomas that time I was kidnapped when Jax was in Ireland, I just...I realized how much I loved him. You know that love, now."

Lana smiled and placed a hand on her growing bump, "I do. I love it so much already...no matter what happens or how difficult it might be, I don't think I'll regret keeping my baby. Even if I raise it alone." Tara sat back and crossed her arms, "you know, you don't have to raise the baby alone...I know you're scared to tell the Dad, but you don't know how he might react. He might be excited and..." "No! Nope, I see where you're going, and that will never happen. Trust me."

Tara shrugged, "I was just saying you might not have to raise the baby alone, is all...if you'd just tell me who the Father is..." Lana shook her head and pretended to look at the clock on her cell phone, "Oh geeze, look at the time" she joked "I should be going." Tara smiled again, alright, I know...I'll drop it. But you know, if people are finding out about the baby, the Father is bound to find out, too." Lana knew this all to well, but she let the conversation about the Dad drop because she wasn't ready to talk to Tara about it.

She would tell her someday, but today was not that day.

They laughed with each other for few minutes. Lana didn't want to lose Tara. This, this laughing and this level of comfort, was a blessing and Lana didn't want it to go away. She knew it might, and it was hard for her to keep her wits about her, but she would not regret her decision to become a Mother...no matter what.

"So," Tara asked, "when do you find out what you're having?" Lana shrugged, "I don't know...I think next month? I'm ten weeks now, how far were you with Thomas before you knew?" Tara thought about it for a second, "hmm...I think I was about 18 weeks. They checked at 14, but he had his legs crossed and wouldn't show us. Thomas was stubborn before he was even born!"

They talked some more about how Lana didn't care whether she had a boy or girl, as long as the baby was healthy, and about some names she was toying around with. All the while they lost track of the world around them while fantasizing about the future. They hadn't heard when the shop truck pulled into the driveway, and they hadn't even heard when the front door clicked open. The soft steps down the hall had been lost to them, and even now, while he was tucked against the wall listening to them talking they didn't know he was there.

Jax had heard them laughing when he had walked in and hadn't wanted to disturb them. It made him happy that his wife was having some fun, and he didn't want to interrupt their good time. That's why he had planned a quiet escape after grabbing his kabaar that he had forgotten earlier, but after some of what the girls were saying had caught his attention, he was confused.

There was a lot of talk about a baby, and this was the first he was hearing about it. If Tara was pregnant, she would have told him by now. He was sure of it. So why was she talking to Lana about names? Unless Tara wasn't pregnant, but that would mean...

"Who's pregnant?" he asked, straight to the point as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. Both women jumped, and Lana felt all the color drain from her skin. She hadn't heard him come inside. There hadn't been any motorcycle rumbled in the distance, either. Tara read her mind, "we didn't hear you. Where's your bike? Jesus Jax, you scared us." Lana watched as he slowly came further into the kitchen, kissing Tara briefly as she stood to get more water.

"I took the truck, figured the boys would be sleeping and didn't want to wake them up. I forgot some shit and came back for it...who's pregnant?" Nobody spoke up. Tara, because she didn't want to spill Lana's secret, and Lana because she physically couldn't. She felt like her throat was constricting, and no noise came out as she open and closed her mouth like a fish. She was desperately thinking of something to say, but her mind was blank. She was in shock. Jax looked back and forth between them.

"Tara?" he asked in question. She shook her head, glancing toward Lana before looking him in the eyes, "Jax, I'm not pregnant. Don't worry..." she looked in Lana's direction again, "he's not going to care, trust me..." back to Jax "Lana, Jax. She's about 10 weeks and didn't want people finding out yet. Please, don't go telling any of the Sons."

Tara turned back to tend to the lemon she was cutting, leaving Lana and Jax in a stare down. His eyes flickered to the hand she had resting on her belly, and she could see the recognition on his face. He knew it was his. There was no doubt in her mind. She had to get out of their house. "I, I have to leave," she stammered out. Tara didn't question her, and Jax didn't try to stop her.

She made it to her apartment in record time, and started pacing the length of her living room as soon as the deadbolt clicked. She had to hand it to herself, she wasn't panicking like she thought she might, but her stomach was definitely churning. Jax knew that she was pregnant, and he knew it was his. She hadn't gotten the chance to tell him and explain everything which made it all even worse.

This wasn't part of her plan. None of it was, and she wasn't quite sure what her next move should be. Lana was all over the place. One minute she was convinced she should just leave town now, the next she was telling herself not to run. An open suitcase was laid out on her bed and clothes were scattered everywhere, then she was in the kitchen with a pint of Ben and Jerry's...her hormones were out of sync, but she wasn't crying. Finally, after seemingly forever, Lana let herself fall onto her overstuffed couch in defeat. She couldn't run, she wouldn't allow it. When she decided to keep the baby, she had accepted that there would be consequences, and whether she was prepared or not, they were going to start happening.

A loud know on her front door made her jump. Lana stared at it. She didn't need to answer it to know who was behind it. Butterflies danced in her stomach as she slowly pushed herself off the couch and crept to the door. Every step closer she took her adrenaline pumped faster. She felt like she was walking in a haunted house around Halloween, just waiting for something to jump out. She took a deep breath before turning the handle and slowly pulling the door open...

His blue eyes were clouded grey and set hard as stone as he peered down at her. "Hi, Jax..."


	6. Chapter 6

_**So...Jax knows! This story is only beginning, as far as I'm concerned, and I want to thank everyone for sticking with me! This chapter isn't going to follow the normal flow that I usually write in, because this chapter is going to be in Jax's POV. It's about time we get a glimpse inside of his head, and after just getting a bomb dropped on him, I know everyone is really curious to know what is gonna happen! This isn't as long as my other chapters, but the next one will be full length! So thank you all again, and enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 6-**_

Lana's car was in the driveway as Jax slid up to the curb in the black pick-up truck the shop kept in case of emergencies. Not wanting to wake up his boys at such a late hour was emergency enough for him to leave his bike behind in favor for the quieter vehicle. He had forgotten his trusty kabaar on his bedside table, and judging by tomorrow mornings itinerary, he was going to need it. The Sons had a big meeting with some of Pope's guys, pending a murder between clubs, and he had a feeling it might get bloody.

He had opted to stay at the club house tonight so he wouldn't worry Tara or wake her up too early. He was surprised when he saw Lana's little red car parked at his house, and he swallowed hard as he exited the truck and headed toward his front door. They, him and Lana, seemed to avoid one another since their run in with each other a couple months back so whenever he saw her anymore it was always strange.

Jax loved his wife. Every piece of his heart belonged to Tara. He would do anything to keep his family intact...except run off in the middle of the night and keep his hands off her best friend. When Tara started betraying him, when she had started planning to leave him, and especially when she took his kids from him under the cover of darkness, Jax was heartbroken.

It was a pain he had never known. The weight of the club was crushing him, and Tara's absence left him empty. He looked to other women as a distraction from the shit his life was becoming. If he closed his eyes he could imagine it was Tara that he was with. After she left, and he was under the impression they were over and she was taking his boys for good, he had wanted to hurt her back. His mind had been so clouded over by pain, and in that pain he had made the decision to sleep with Lana. After-all, what else could he do to Tara that could hurt her like she was hurting him?

He didn't actively pursue Lana but when she had shown up at his house, wet from the rain with hunger burning in her eyes, the idea had formed and all it had taken was a few winks and smooth words before he was contorting her body into several positions all over his bedroom. She hadn't been with a man in a while, and if he was being honest with himself the sex had actually been really good.

He wanted to keep it up for a little while. Mostly because Tara was still gone, Lana sincerely made him feel a bit better, but also because he knew it would cut deeper if it was an affair between them. Lana felt as close to Tara as he could get, and by the second time they had sex he was already getting use to having her in his bed. There weren't any romantic feelings between them, at least not strong ones, but there was a level of comfort she brought with her that he didn't get from any of the other girls.

Lana was his friend, too. He'd known her for awhile, and she had been around his kids their entire lives. He'd even been a little guilty when he started using her to get back at Tara. She was a good girl, and he didn't want to use her as pawn in his little game. His mind was too far gone without Tara, though. Only after Lana came crying to him letting him know they couldn't keep up their affair anymore, and that Tara wanted reconcilation, did that fog break and he saw clearly what he had done. He made Lana swear to secrecy, and actually felt bad when she burst into tears in front of him. They both knew what it would mean if Tara found out about the affair, and Jax didn't want that response anymore.

He didn't want Tara to be hurt, he didn't want to push her away anymore, and he didn't want Lana to lose her friend. Gemma had always warned Jax not to use the head on his dick instead of the head on his shoulders when he was hurting, but he always seemed to get the order mixed up. Now here he was, getting nervous walking to his front door because Lana was such a good girl and he was always worried she might let their secret slip. Anytime he felt like it might be the last time he came home to his happy wife was always a bit scary.

He was relieved when he cracked open the door and hear Tara's sing song laugh ringing through the walls. He smiled to himself at how happy she sounded. He was in the clear again, for now.

Jax chose to leave the girls alone and retrieve his knife in silence. He didn't want to intrude on whatever moment they were sharing and he was just happy that Tara was having a good night. He was so focused on staying quiet that he had almost missed the word "baby" being spoken between the two women. It brought him to a hault, and just for a second he decided to listen a little harder. Who was Tara talking about when she said "having a baby is a blessing?" If she were pregnant, he was sure she'd tell him. Unless she was only speculating at the moment. Even then, he was sure she'd mention it.

Maybe Tara wasn't the pregnant one, that's why she never said anything. If she wasn't, that would mean they were talking about Lana being pregnant. Jax felt the color drain from his face. If Lana was pregnant, that meant...

He pushed himself from behind the wall, not bothering with staying hidden any longer, "who's pregnant?" Tara had jumped, clearly startled, but Lana...she sat pale and motionless, her mouth opening and closing but no words escaped. Tara exclaimed that he had scared them, and asked why he was home. Jax mumbled something about forgetting some things before redirecting her back to his original question, "...who's pregnant?"

Tara turned her back to him, and Lana continued to look like a fish out of water. "Tara?" he asked questioningly. Part of him already knew what was going on, but he needed to hear it. Tara shook her head before explaining Lana was the one with child. "Ten weeks" she had stated, before turning back and slicing more lemon. Ten weeks...Jax did the math in his head and it only confirmed what his worst thoughts had been. Lana was pregnant, and he was the Father. Tara knew, which meant Lana hadn't revealed the truth to her just yet, but she had kept it from him.

Their eyes locked behind Tara's back, and Lana's filled to the brim with fear. Jax wasn't sure what his face looked like, but he was sure his world was beginning to crumble around him. Her slender hand rested over her tummy. He pictured a baby under her palm. He had put that life inside her...shit.

Without notice, Lana pushed up from the chair so fast that it almost toppled over, "I need to leave" she mumbled while hurrying out of his home. He didn't look in her direction when she flew past him, he just stood there staring at where she had been sitting. The front door clicked shut and she was gone.

"I hope she's not mad at me. Maybe I shouldn't have told you...the girl is scared of people finding out." Tara spoke up, taking Lana's glass to the sink instead of the table. Jax directed his attention to his wife, "nah, I bet she just got sick or some shit...whatever happens when you're pregnant and hormonal." Tara smiled a small smile, and Jax watched how the corners of her eyes began to crinkle like they never had before. He smiled genuinely at Tara, loving that they were growing older together, but quickly lost his light when he remembered what information he had just been fed.

"Call her in the morning babe, I've gotta go." "Ok," Tara responded before wrapping her arms around his neck, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Jax kissed his wife in their kitchen for a few minutes before finally breaking free. His mind couldn't focus on the moment. He knew where he was going the second he pulled the truck out of the driveway.

He didn't know what was going to happen when he got there, and he didn't know how he would react to whatever Lana had to say, but he did know that his head was a fucking mess right now. He was hurt she would hide something so big from him, and angry at himself for the situation. Had he never seduced Lana in the first place neither of them would have to deal with something so huge.

Jax didn't know what he wanted her to do, what she wanted to do, what would happen or how Lana felt about her pregnancy but he did know that this screw up could potentially cost him his family. He couldn't lose his wife and sons. On the other hand, wasn't this baby his family now too? The baby was his, he knew it the second his eyes locked onto Lana's in his kitchen. He would have to step up and take care of this child if Lana chose to keep it. Jax might not be the most attentive man in the world, but he took care of his responsibilities. Could he talk her into getting rid of the baby? Had she already been considering it? His mind was all over the place when he pulled into her buildings parking lot.

Her car was there, parked crooked in a spot near the back door. Jax pegged it to her being in a hurry to get home. He sat in his truck for a few minutes, smoothing his hands over his hair and beard, smacking the steering wheel, and trying to compose himself before he went up stairs. "Fuck!" he exclaimed as he hit the steering wheel again. Did he even WANT her getting rid of it? He wasn't so convinced that he did.

Jax felt cornered, like their was no way out of losing Tara this time and he didn't welcome the feeling. Lana had to understand that he couldn't be there for her like he was Tara. He couldn't be involved like he was with Abel and Thomas, and if she kept the baby that she'd be doing this alone. He felt a pain of guilt deep in his gut. Lana wasn't a bad girl and she didn't deserve to raise a baby alone...but what could he do? He royally screwed up this time.

Jax smacked the steering wheel three more times, hurting his palm in the process, before getting out of the truck. He exhaled hard into the sticky warm night air. He needed to hear it from Lana's mouth. He needed to hear she was pregnant with his baby, and he needed to hear what she expected him to do about it and what she wanted to do about it in general. He didn't want to scare her, but he had to find out what her intentions were.

Jax took a deep breath as he pounded on her door. Never in his life did he think he'd be having this conversation with a woman that wasn't Tara. You could have heard a pin drop as Jax waited for Lana to answer the door. Finally, after what felt like forever, the door clicked and slowly opened.

Jax looked into deep emerald eyes that were wide and filled with confusion, "hello Jax..."

**_Our first glimpse inside of Jax's mind! In future chapters I'll explore his side of things a little more, but for now we can finally see what his take on this whole thing is. He's confused, hurt, filled with remorse...and he should be! How will these two handle Lana's pregnancy? Stay tuned to find out!_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_A lot of people have been waiting for this moment! It's "the show down" for a lack of better words. Last chapter I gave you a small glimpse inside of Jax's head so you guys had a complete sense of where both of these people stand on the subject matter. Going into this chapter, remember a few things: Jax is confused and in shock. His mind is a bit all over the place because he just found out about Lana's pregnancy and he doesn't know anything else about it except that he's the Father. Lana has decided she's keeping the baby under any circumstance, and she's a little scared that Jax is going to consider this situation a threat to his life and family with Tara. Lana doesn't want to ruin Jax's life. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for sticking with me! _**

**_Chapter 7-_**

Lana moved inside, leaving the door open as an invitation for Jax to come in. Her heartbeat began racing again as he closed the door and flipped the deadbolt lock. Her palms started sweating, and she quickly wiped them on her yoga shorts. She didn't dare turn her back to him, fearing that he might lose his temper at any second. She felt like she was in the pit with a bull that just might charge her at any moment.

She knew that she would have to face him after he had caught her and Tara in the kitchen, she just didn't expect him to come to her house so soon. She had hardly enough time to process that he knew she was pregnant, and just moments before she had been fluttering around her apartment like a confused butterfly unsure of what her next move should be. Hell, she still wasn't sure what she should do next!

Her place was small, and she saw her open suitcase from where she stood in the living room. She should have just went through with it and left when she had the chance. Now she felt trapped...and scared. Jax stood just a few feet away from Lana, and she found it hard to read his expression. His eyes looked sad, but they burned with fire. His nostrils flared with anger and his mouth was set in a scowl. The silence was suffocating her.

"Jax," she started quietly, not trying to get a rise out of him but unable to take his judgmental glare for any longer. She still wasn't sure how he might react to everything. "Jax," she repeated, "I'm...I'm sorry..." "Tell me what I came here for, Lana" he interrupted her, "I need to hear it from you."

Her eyes searched his face, and for the first time she could see that he was just as lost as she was. He looked pained, and she felt a tug from deep inside. The friend in her wanted to reach out and comfort him, but then she remembered why he was there, and a lump formed in the back of her throat again. Lana took a deep breath and closed her eyes when she spoke, "I'm pregnant, Jax. It's your baby...but I know you've figured that out by now." She squeezed her eyes tighter waiting for whatever blow back Jax was sure to cause now, but nothing happened. She slowly opened them and found him with his head hung, nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

Lana felt like her chest was tightening from the anticipation of his response. Her head was a whirlwind of activity as she said, and re-said, over and over in her mind exactly what she had just told him. This was all happening right now, and even though she wasn't as prepared as she wanted to be, she'd have to pull it together and lay it out on the line. It took her almost a full minute to realize she had stopped breathing, and gasped out for air. It caught his attention and he glanced her over, pursing his lips.

"Shit," Jax mumbled before sitting hard on Lana's couch, "damnit." 'Well', Lana thought to herself while still trying to catch her breath, 'he's not breaking anything.' She moved slowly to the couch. Jax was tensed, and looked like he could pounce at any moment. She had to be careful. Although this wasn't happening like she had planned, this would have to be her chance to explain all those things she had rehearsed over and over in her head. She sat as far opposite him as she could out of caution.

"Jax," he didn't look at her, "I was trying to find a way to tell you, I swear." He rested his head on his hands. It almost looked like he was vibrating, but he still wasn't talking so she continued. "I told Tara that I had a one night stand, and that I really don't want the father to find out..." He gave a slight nod, "you keepin' it?" He still didn't look in her direction and his voice was strained. Lana wiped her sweaty palms again, "I, I..." it was really hard for her to say it out loud to him "...I am, yes. I decided a few weeks ago that I would keep it."

"You decided," he snarled, making Lana put back up her defense and cower away. "I don't get any say in the decision then?" Finally he turned to look at her, brows furrowed. "I made the decision KNOWING I'll have to do this alone, Jax." "What the fuck, Lana?" his voice grew, "how can you make all these decisions, these...these assumptions without even talking to me first? Do you even know what you're doing!? Did you not just tell me that it's my kid too!? That it's OUR kid, and not just yours!? Jesus..."

Lana shrank back into the couch, listening as Jax stood and began to pace the length of her living room. There was the Jax she had imagined in the scenerios in her mind. "A _baby_ isn't a fucking _puppy _that you just get to have without any repercussions on anyone else's lives. Babies are hard work, Lana. Having a kid is a huge decision to make by yourself. I mean, what do you want me to do? I have a wife and two boys at home, this shit is going to ruin a lot of lives once it gets out! And you just decide to keep it and hope for the best without even telling me? Like how I might fucking feel about it all doesn't even matter? It's my kid too!"

She felt the tears well up in her eyes and her lip began to quiver. The way he was talking to her really hurt her feelings. She had thought long and hard about what she was doing and she was confident in her decision. But, she realized then, she had been so focused on Tara's reaction that she hadn't even thought Jax would want any kind of say in anything to do with their baby outside of forcing her to get rid of it. With the tears starting to fall, Lana stood to defend herself, "I didn't ask for this, Jax! Do you think I wanted to get pregnant? Do you think I want to lose Tara and have my entire life turned upside down? I made the decision on my own, just like I'll raise this baby. I don't care how hard it might be. I don't need you at all, and _that _is why I didn't tell you!"

She lied through her teeth. She knew she just hadn't told him because she was terrified of what his reaction might be, but she wasn't about to admit that right now while they were arguing and he was already tuned up. He shook his head, "I knew I shouldn't have slept with you. God damnit! I knew it. I knew something like this would happen, but I was too focused on hurting Tara to give a shit. I should have just left you alone." He sat back on the couch, breathing heavily.

Lana stood in the middle of her living room with her arms spread in a shrugging motion, "it took both of us to do this. I chose to sleep with you too, like an idiot, and this is our karma. But it doesn't have to ruin..." "You don't understand, Lana," he growled, interrupting her again "...I did this. I wanted to have sex with you to hurt Tara for leaving with my boys. I planned it the second you showed up at my house."

She furrowed her brow, "you...seduced me on purpose?" Jax nodded as Lana felt the tears springing back up in her eyes. Normally she would have been irate, but in her current hormonal state, she was more sad than anything. She was stuck here. Between the rock and a hard place was where she lived now, and it was all for some little ploy to get back at Tara?

"Why would you do that to me?" she began to cry, sinking down into herself and wrapping her hands in her shirt above her tiny growing bump. Jax had been in her house less than twenty minutes and she was crying for the second time. This was definitely not how she had planned on breaking the news to him.

Lana didn't notice his arms wrapping around her, and she only became vaguely aware of his presence when her nose filled with his scent. His warmth surrounding her came second. 'No' she thought 'get off me.' She started pushing at his chest, "don't touch me." He let his arms drop in defeat. "Listen, Lana," he started, obviously trying to repair some damage, "I'm sorry, a'ight? I don't know what I was thinking...a man can do some dark shit when his head ain't right. But I got you into this shit, and I won't let you dig your way out alone." She just shook her head, walking back to her couch.

Lana wasn't accustomed to feeling used, but right now she felt so awful. She had a moment of weakness and Jax had preyed on her. Her life had become so complicated because she was only human and he needed a revenge fuck. "How can you keep doing it, Jax? How can you just...how do you cheat on Tara over and over? How can you do it out of spite?"

The way his mouth twitched made her tense. She knew she hit a chord calling him out, but right now she didn't so much care. He had just dropped a bomb on her and she wanted to return the favor. Sure, technically Tara had left Jax at the time she had hooked up with him, but that didn't excuse a handful of other times Tara had caught him in the sack with someone else. "She loves you, and you just betray her...how can you keep living with that?" The tears had stopped flowing, but they remained in her eyes as he replied, "how can you?"

It was like a punch to the gut. He was right, that was the worst part. She criticized him for sleeping with other women, but hadn't she made the decision to sleep with him too? Of course she had. "Shit" she whispered, sitting back on her couch and placing her hands on her stomach again. They had both messed up. Maybe she really wasn't alone like she had thought. Lana had come to terms with what she had done to Tara, maybe it was time to give Jax the benefit of the doubt, especially in her current state. "I'm sorry, Jax. I didn't mean to say what I did..." she trailed off. She was starting to get a headache.

Their conversation had taken a serious turn, and she didn't need to be talking about the infidelity that she herself was also guilty of. "Look," Jax read her mind, "I'm not here to talk about any of that shit right now. If you want to talk about how bad of a person I am later then we can, but for now there's more important shit we need to talk about, a'ight?" He was right, again. They hadn't accomplished anything while he was here except for some yelling and blaming.

At twenty-eight and thirty-three, Lana felt like they should be able to discuss their baby as adults. She nodded her head in agreement and he blew out a long breath, deciding to sit back down next to her. "What kind of medical bills do you have?" he asked, clearly trying to take the high road. His tone was calmer but Lana could tell he was still a little worked up. They were both still shaky, but for the sake of their sanity, they were going to try and focus on the matter at hand. All the blaming and yelling in the world wouldn't change the fact that Lana was pregnant.

She leaned forward and grabbed the small stack of mail off of her coffee table. She sorted through it and grabbed the two bills from her OBGYN. One was from her initial blood work and sonogram to determine her pregnancy, and the other was from a more recent visit to make sure things were going along smoothly. She handed them to him, "that's all for now. I go back next month to find out what I'm having."

He took the pieces and shoved them into the hidden pocket of his kutte without so much as glancing at the amounts, "I'll take care of them. I'll figure out somewhere for you to send the rest that's under the radar until we can figure out our next move." He was going to pay her baby bills? "You don't have to do that, Jax. My brother offered to help me..." "Does he know?" he cut her off "...that I'm the Dad?" She shook her head no, "nobody does. I'm just sticking with the story I told Tara." He nodded again, "ai'ght, well...he doesn't need to help you now. Make up some bullshit reason to tell him he's in the clear, I don't care what it is, but I'll take care of any expenses you rack up because of the kid." Jax paused for only a breath, "I don't know what you expected from me, but I'm a man and I handle my own business." "We're not your 'business'. At least we don't need to be. I don't want to ruin any lives, Jax. Especially the boys..." she trailed off, anxious for his response. This is the stuff she had been so keen to talk about.

Jax sat still for a moment, clearly still processing all of this new information. He ran a hand over his face and exhaled, "The club...we're involved with some dangerous shit right now, because of what I have to do to lead us out of this bloody battle." Lana sat quietly listening to Jax lay it all out to dry, "I haven't been the husband Tara deserves, like you so graciously pointed out, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go to drastic measures to keep my family intact. Everything I do, I do for them with the ultimate goal being to get the Sons back on track to running legal and minimizing any kind of danger or harm that might come to the people that I love most. The last thing I want to do is lose them...Tara, the Club...both are my priorities, but my boys are my world..."

He trailed off as Lana realized she had leaned forward, anticipating the let down with every word, half hoping he would change his mind and walk away while being half thrilled he seemed interested in being involved. Jax sat back as he continued, "...the baby is mine, too. I love my wife, but my kids...my kids mean everything to me. I don't want to lose Tara, but if you're set on keeping the kid, then I can't just let you go off with my son or daughter and never even know their name." He wanted to help her, Lana realized.

Jax wanted to be there for his child. He didn't want to destroy his family, but he couldn't live with himself if he just shipped off his own blood like it was meaningless. "I don't know what to say..." and she didn't. It felt like a release valve had been turned on and the weight that had been unknowingly crushing her flew off. The air seemed lighter even though Lana knew there was still so much they would have to go through. The feeling that maybe she wouldn't be alone after all was elating!

"I can't ever give you that happily ever after though, you know that right?" Jax interrupted her happy train of thought. Of course she knew that. If there was a way for Jax and Tara to work out their differences, and her baby still have their Father then that'd be the most ideal situation. "I know," she answered simply. As kids, family had always been the most important thing to both of them. Lana had never expected that she'd be in a situation where she would be a single Mother. She had always thought that maybe she'd get married someday, settle down and have a couple kids with a loving husband. She wasn't raised to accept any other way, but here she was now, knocked up by a powerful biker with a family of his own and stuck on the idea of keeping her child.

Jax searched her face for a second before cracking his knuckles, "you're an awesome girl, Lana, that's got nothin' to do with it. Under different circumstances, who knows..." "Jax," she interrupted while placing a hand on his arm, "I said that I know. Tara isn't going to want anything to do with me once she finds out...but you're her husband, she'll do whatever she can to keep you guys together." 'I hope' Lana added on in her mind., "and I already told you that I don't want to come between that."

Jax wasn't reacting violently or out of sorts because he was reassured that Tara would't go anywhere, and that Abel and Thomas would grow up in a happy home. If Lana let on that she was just as nervous and unsure about Tara's reactions as he was, she wasn't so sure he'd be remaining so calm. Hell, it was already taking her everything to hold it together at the thought of losing her best friend, the last thing she wanted to happen was another shouting match like earlier.

Jax sat thinking for a few minutes before running a hand through his hair, smoothing back a loose piece, and opening his mouth again. "You don't deserve this shit, Lana. I'm sorry..." he turned toward her, grabbing her hand in his and rubbing her palm with his thumb "...you're a good girl, you've been nothing but good to my family." He sighed a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry it's gotta be like this, but I'm sure you'll be a great Mom under any circumstance. You've been amazing with my boys, and I bet they'll be happy getting a new brother or sister." He trailed off again, looking past Lana as he delved into though, "I'm gonna be a Dad...again..." He still held her hand, but he had stopped rubbing her palm with his thumb. Lana placed her other hand on top of his, comforting them both.

Over the next few months her and Jax would have to become closer than they had ever been before. They both knew their friendship would have to develop again if they were going to get through this pregnancy, and Lana wasn't opposed to accepting Jax as her closest friend if she needed to in order to provide some sort of stability for her baby. It was so far fetched, but maybe she wouldn't have to leave Charming. Tara didn't have to be her friend, she didn't have to forgive Lana for her mistake, but if she could forgive Jax and accept his son or daughter then that would be more than enough. That is, if she didn't fall off the deep end after finding out the truth. Which brought Lana full circle in her conversation with Jax. It was her turn to sigh heavily.

"Jax..." he glanced up from the floor "...how are we going to tell Tara?"

_**So Jax is (mostly) on board! How do you think they should break the news to Tara? How do you think she might react? Please leave me a review, because I absolutely LOVE hearing from all of you! Feel free to PM too if you want! I try to respond to all of my PM's, as some of you know!/ Thanks again everybody, and stay tuned for "part 2" of Jax and Lana's conversation!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Part two of "the conversation"! Just to refresh, Jax wants to have something to do with this babies life. He doesn't know what his next step will be, but that much he knows is true. Family has always been important to him and this kid is part of that. Lana is happy Jax didn't react violently, but she knows she's not in the clear. They still have to figure out how to tell Tara, and the rest of Charming, about the situation they have both put themselves, and Lana knows what a loose cannon Jax can be!**_

**_Thank you so much everyone that is reviewing! Whether good or bad, people are reading this story and most are enjoying it! I've enjoyed getting your feedback, and want more! Keep letting me know what you think as time goes by!_**

**_Thank you, also, to all of those PMing me! I've tried my best to reply to everyone and answer any questions are concerns anyone might have! Please feel free to keep asking away! I've also been really interested in hearing all the fan theories that are coming my way!_**

**_Thanks again everyone, and I hope you enjoy!_**

**Chapter 8-**

"...how do we tell Tara?"

The question hung heavy in the air around them. Lana thought she saw Jax wince when she had asked, but she couldn't be sure because he had buried his head in his hands again. "I just mean," she continued with caution, "if you mean it when you say you want to be there, and I really have no choice in the matter..." she paused, giving him another chance to back out "...then she'll need to know..."

Lana let her statement fade out. Jax furrowed his brows as his eyes searched her living room, looking for an answer to an almost impossible question. She was genuine in her asking, because she really hadn't thought how to approach the delicate situation herself. She knew she would have to if she stayed, but when the time came to consider how, she always seemed to avoid the topic. Now, however, Jax was finally aware and he had already said himself that he wanted to be involved. There was no more avoiding it, and maybe they could work together and figure something out...hopefully.

His body tensed as he delved deeper in thought. It was like her question had sent him back ten steps, and he started closing in on himself once more. It seemed like forever before his gravelly voice finally spoke up. "I need more time to figure that out. There's just...so much...I barely know that you're pregnant."

Lana frowned. How much time would he need? Granted, she wasn't prepared for whatever aftermath telling the news to Tara might bring just yet, but she sure wasn't waiting until she was cradling a baby in her arms. Especially because they would need to come up with some kind of game plan, and that would all need done before she gave birth. She wasn't sure she had expected an outright answer, but maybe something a little more that that.

She still wasn't sure she was above packing all her things and leaving in the middle of the night, either. In the back of her mind, Lana kept telling herself that she could leave and not have to deal with any of it. That would be the easy way out, and aside from finding a time machine and going back to before she had sex with Jax, there were really not many other options that didn't involve a few heartaches.

"Do you really think we should wait too much longer?" He snorted so she continued, "I just mean that she might be even more pissed if she finds out later rather than sooner..."you mean how you kept it from me, and now it's taking everything I have to not flip this fucking table over at the thought of having to tell my wife how bad I screwed up this time? Is that the kind of 'later' you're talking about?"

She flinched a little at his response, knowing it was said to throw shade at the fact that she hadn't outright told him the news in person. It didn't matter that Jax wouldn't let her do this on her own, and that he'd allow himself to come to terms with their baby, he was still a ticking time bomb as far as any mention of Tara's reaction being negative went. In the back of her mind, Lana still wasn't completely convinced that Jax wouldn't hurt her if things didn't go smoothly. "I need time to let this shit sink in, time to wrap my mind around what's going on before I come up with a way to tell anyone, especially Tara. You don't make any moves until I say." He stared at her knowingly, but she didn't nod her head expectantly even though his tone was very serious.

So they would keep the identity of the father a secret until Jax had time to figure out the safest route to approach full disclosure. Lana would go along with that for now, but..."it's not only your decision to make, Jax, remember? Just because you know now doesn't mean you get to control the situation completely." His eyes glazed as she continued, "I'm not your old lady, I'm not your side lady, I'm not your anything...and this is _my _baby and it affects _my _life too. I don't need to get permission from you to do anything..."

She faded off as Jax's top lip pulled into a snarl as he rose slowly from the couch, causing Lana to sink further into the soft cushions, "yes, you do. As long as you're a mother to one of my kids, then you're something. Do you understand that?" She felt scared, "I don't know..." "well you need to know!" Jax shouted. Their conversation had taken a serious turn around in a matter of seconds. "The club is involved in some serious shit right now, Lana, and if the wrong people find out about this then you and the kid could be in a lot of danger...you have no idea what it's like being a mother, especially with the kid of an outlaw. Some risks go a lot further than people being pissed off."

She had never thought about that before. She had covered all other basis: Tara, her life in Charming, Jax initially finding out, how she would care for the kid...but she had seemed to forget one of the most important aspects. Jax wasn't just a club member, he was a law breaker. He had killed people, and he had paid dearly for it. His brothers had been killed, family members, people affiliated with the Sons...they were in the middle of a bloody war and anyone was fair game. Tara had confided her fear in Lana a number of times, and she herself had suffered through kidnap and beatings as retaliation on Jax for crimes he had committed or lies he had told. If the Sons cared about somebody, they might be in danger, and Jax would care about this baby.

The realization must have shown on her face as Jax asked, "do you understand now?" His voice was still loud, but it had softened significantly. So many bad thoughts raced through Lana's head, but she finally nodded in agreement with his notion. If he thought something would keep them safer then she guessed she would listen to him. He nodded his approval, "good...look, I need to go. I left home almost an hour ago and I need to be accounted for at the club house. We will talk more soon, ok?" He reached a hand out for her to take, and helped her peel herself from the couch cushions she had been clinging to in his most recent outburst. "You tell no one, got it?" Lana nodded again before another thought entered her brain. It was something she hadn't thought about since around the time she had found out about the pregnancy, but the words "don't tell anyone" were bouncing around in her head and she needed to know...

"What about my Doctor?" Jax raised an eyebrow questioningly so she continued, "I mean, telling my Doctor that you're the Dad." Jax shook his head, "why? Can't that wait until later? I just told you how dangerous it could be..." She shrugged, "I just thought, because you know...the heart thing..." she pointed to her own heart "...if my Doctor has a heads up, they can test early and be prepared in case this baby has something wrong. There's privacy laws..." she faded off.

It wasn't the first time Lana had thought about the possibility of her baby passing on the genetic defect that seemed to burn its way through Gemma's side of the family, and which she had passed on to both of her sons, but she had pushed it to the side in favor of figuring out how to tell those involved. Now that Jax was aware, it seemed that the thought had made itself aware once more. The defect had killed Thomas, but young Jackson Nathaniel had fought and survived, only to pass the same defect on to both of his kids. Luckily both baby Teller boys had survived as well, and were healthier than ever, but that didn't mean that her baby would be born healthy or guaranteed survival should they be born with the same hole in their heart.

Jax seemed to ponder the information for a moment before tensing up again, "jesus christ," he breathed, obviously agreeing it might be important information. Lana realized then that he hadn't even considered the fact that there might be any genetic danger in store for their little one before this moment. He had been more concerned with protection, but some things couldn't be kept safe with a hoard of bikers standing guard. "I'm not saying I need to tell him right now, but I find out what I'm having at my next appointment next month. I should be far enough along for them to start testing for defects." It was like Jax wasn't hearing a word she said anymore, he stood still, obviously still thinking. Lana would give anything to be inside of his head in this moment. It was like she was constantly on the edge of her seat, but the climax never happened.

"Jax..." he still didn't answer. If anything it only proxied a bit of frustration from Lana. "Jax," she spoke louder, "I know you're worried, but there are laws in place that can keep your identity private, like I said. Think of the baby, and giving it a good head start in life if something is wrong." He remained still.

She felt her cheeks beginning to burn with anger. Her fluctuating hormones were garnering a pretty emotional response to Jax's lack of communication. Part of her knew that he was trying to sort through everything going on, the baby was just the cherry on top of the Hell his life had been becoming lately, but the other part was both pissed off and annoyed that he wasn't practicing what he had preached earlier. She whipped around in a huff, stomping toward the kitchen and calling out over her shoulder "you know, for saying you want to be involved...you're doing a shitty job at starting. If this is how you intend to 'be there' then you can just stay away and let me fucking deal with this alone. Then you won't have anything to worry about except how to be a better fucking husband!"

She didn't mean to sound so angry, and she didn't mean the words she had spoken. She knew it would piss him off, and that's why when Jax followed her leave and took off after her as she walked away toward the archway Lana wasn't the least bit surprised. He was on her heels. She had spoken to hurt him, and her hormones were flaring up something fierce. She stomped forward, and was caught off guard at the force he used to grab her arm and spin her around. She expected anger in his eyes, but pain met her gaze instead...pain, and something else.

She flinched as he spat venom, his grip a little tighter than what was comfortable. "Who exactly do you think I am? You don't get to talk to me like that! Jesus!" he force-ably let go of her arm, making her stumble back just a step. "I don't care if you want to go back and forth about what kind of husband I am, but you stopped being Tara's business, and became mine, the second you let me fuck you. It's not up to you to defend my marriage anymore because you're currently the biggest obstacle it faces. So for the love of god, Lana, let me figure some shit out before you go crazy. Give me the chance to be a dad before you decide I'm a dead beat. I've got enough to worry about without having to care if you're back here in trouble, and I don't need something to happen to you or the kid." By the last word, Jax's tone had changed from pissed off to concerned.

Lana felt her fingers twitch. She wanted to slap him for the "let me fuck you" statement, amognst other hurtful words he had spoken, but she fought it. Instead, she balled her hands into fists and held them steady by her side and let his concerned tone wash over her and ease her anger. Her own pain was imminent. She accepted awhile ago that her friendship with Tara would change, but hearing it from his mouth twisted her up a bit. Her hormones would not allow her to be sad about it, though. She knew what she was getting into when she decided to keep the baby.

It was also obvious that Jax gave a shit what happened to her and the kid, and that his concern was genuine. Lana wasn't use to having to answer to anyone or explain any of her motives. She especially wasn't use to having rules, and she definitely didn't care to keep her thoughts to herself. She had never been one to hold back if she was mad. She'd been called "firecracker" before because of her strawberry blonde locks and feisty attitude, but she'd have to get use to keeping quiet around Jax. His temper was more unstable than almost anyone's. He had proven that with the grip he had placed on her arm, even if it had been unintentionally tight.

"You making me upset isn't good for the baby..." she meant for it to sting him, but it came out whiny and he laughed instead. It was short, but a smile broke across his stern face. "We need to learn to get along, Lana." The tension broke, and her fists loosened up. Jax was still scary, and their relationship was fragile. For the sake of everyone's sanity she would have to learn deal with it. "We do get along," she replied, "we have to for the next eighteen years." There was a buzzing surrounding them, and Lana was sure that one wrong move would send them right back into a spat like they had just gotten over. Jax's visit had been very bi-polar in nature.

He cocked an eyebrow and looked down at her tiny bump, "can you feel it yet?" She shook her head, "not yet. It's still early. I've never done this before so I don't really know what to expect." "Me neither." It was Lana's turn to look skeptical, "you sure? Because last time I checked you had two other kids...I'd have to say that maybe you've done this before..." "Naw, Wendy and I split even before she was pregnant. She got knocked up during one night of reconciliation. I landed in jail after the first sonogram I made it to with Tara...I saw her stomach get big every time she visited but I've got no clue what shit she was going through daily."

Lana remembered Tara's pregnancy and how she had went through it virtually alone. Jax had missed every big moment including when both of his sons were born. This time wouldn't be any different, she was sure, but she didn't care. She wasn't expecting anything different from the beginning. She found herself staring at him.

She could see it in his eyes. He was worried about their baby, he was worried about her, he was worried about Tara, his boys, the club, the war they were in, and especially what the future could hold for everyone involved. He was confused, but certain of what needed done. He was nervous, but sure of himself. Every possible emotion flickered across Jax's face in a matter of a moment. He had aged more in the past two years than he had ever, and every worried wrinkle defined a man that was trying to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"I've gotta go," he repeated. She nodded. They're conversation was over for the night, and they hadn't gotten very far, but at least he knew and they could start moving forward. "No one, not yet..." he reminded her, "I'll let you know when you can tell Doc, a'ight?" He searched her face for an answer, and try as she may she couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Soon, I promise...Lana, I promise, ok?" She bit the inside of her cheek before answering. "Fine, but he'll need to know sometime. Just in case...you don't have to be on the birth certificate, but..." "Stop." Jax silenced her, "that's too much right now. I'll figure out the birth certificate shit, the last name, anything else like that later. I've gotta take this one day at a time darlin'."

It annoyed her mildly that she wasn't getting her way again, but at least they were ending on good terms so she nodded politely in response again. She needed to learn how to reign in her hormones or this would be a bumpy ride. She wasn't even sure why she was upset anymore, but something wouldn't let her not be mad at him.

He put a hand on her arm again, where he had grabbed it earlier, and ran his thumb over a spot where his finger had previously pressed. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. Lana remained quiet. He was apologizing for grabbing her arm, for yelling at her, for getting her pregnant, and anything else that might not be going her way. She accepted it, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing so.

Jax took a deep breath before letting go of her arm and heading toward the front door. "I'll call you." "Yeah", she whispered, "I know." He nodded before he turned to exit the door. "Jax!" she called out, surprising even herself. He looked back over his shoulder questioningly. "Thank you." It was simple, and pure. She had to hand it to him that he was handling this much better than she had given him credit for. He was really trying. Pregnancy was never an easy thing for people to deal with, but this time it was especially strained. She meant it when she had thanked him.

He nodded, that was it, before exiting her front door and shutting it gently behind him. Lana was left alone with her thoughts.

She immediately took herself to her bathroom to run a hot bath. One hour with Jax and she was tired and confused all at once. As the tub was filling she stripped down, decided she wanted ice cream, grabbed it from the freezer still naked, and then allowed herself to sink down into the near boiling water with spoon in hand. She thought about and went over his entire visit in her head as she shoveled in ben and jerry's. What on earth was going to happen next?

**_To say that this is going to be a bumpy road is an understatement! Lana is so hormonal, and her pregnancy won't be the smoothest. Jax is so overwhelmed by life that he can't seem to logically think anything through at the moment. How will they ultimately decide to tell Tara? And what happens in the aftermath? _**

**_The next chapter will be Lana's sonogram to reveal what she's having! Any guesses on sex and name? Will the baby have Jax's last name? There's still so much to happen! Thanks again guys, please review! Thanks! Xo!_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi guys! I just wanted to send a huge THANK YOU out to a couple of my readers for coming to my defense when a nasty comment was posted. I received a couple PM'S that had nothing but love and support for my writing and this story, and that really meant a lot! I know this story isn't favorable to some, but I'm not writing a fairy tale here. I write this for people who want something different, and want something that isn't your average every day love story. There really might not be a happy ending, but you gotta wait to find out ;) So one more time, thank you guys so much!**_

_**P.S. I left the nasty comment attached to this story because I'm not afraid of it, and I want people to know this is a controversial story as far as SOA fanfics go. So if any fans want to read it, then by all means...**_

**Chapter 9-**

Lana hopped up and down in front of her full length mirror, struggling to wiggle her way into her favorite pair of denim skinny jeans. It was a few days before Christmas, and she was about fifteen weeks pregnant. Her tiny bump had seemingly doubled in size overnight, and now it was threatening her fashion sense for the first time. Her favorite jeans had always needed just a little wiggling to pull on, but now it seemed like she was on the verge of working up a sweat from the amount of bunny hopping she had to do. Finally the fabric slid over her bum and she was able to (barely) hook the button in its hole. She had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to head over to her OBGYN for her next appointment. It was the big one where she found out if she was having a boy or girl, and she was excited! Her brother and her had a bet going on, she said girl while his vote was for the opposite, and it had taken forever to get to this moment.

Her pregnancy had spread like wildfire after her showdown at the salon with Tiffany. It seemed like somebody hadn't understood what she meant when she had asked them to not say anything about her pregnancy, but her days of secrecy were (mostly) over as far as knowing she was with child, and she didn't care who knew anymore. Her days at work were a little awkward anymore, and she was still waiting on an apology from her boss for her wrong accusations. She had a feeling Tiff was too proud to admit she had been wrong, and that her days at work would increasingly get worse, but what could she do? She needed to hold onto her job and clients as long as she could. The money definitely wasn't bad and she had to think of more than just herself anymore.

This was happening on top of the entire town seeming to eye her suspiciously, like they had to see her belly to believe the rumors that were flying. Everyone talked in a small town and people weren't always as nice as they seemed. Just the other day she had been stared at so hard in the produce section at the local grocery store that she ended up dropping her basket of food and leaving. Charming was one of the nicest places on earth...that is, until you wound up pregnant and wouldn't tell anyone the details about who got you that way.

Lana knew people snickered behind her back. She heard the old women at the salon whispering among themselves, wondering if she even had any idea who the father was and placing their money on "probably not". It had stung at first, but she kept reminding herself that this was the price she had chosen to pay for the little life growing inside of her. She knew from the get go that the initial leak of her pregnancy would throw her home town for a loop. Lana had always been a little bit of a rebel as far as the straight laced town went, but an unplanned and unwarranted pregnancy was a scandal that didn't happen often.

Jax hadn't stopped by again since he initially found everything out either, but he had kept his word by keeping in touch. It wasn't often that he was able to call her, so when he did he made sure that she was comfortable and things were progressing smoothly. She had seen him in passing a handful of times when she had gone to his house to see Tara, or when she had passed by the ice cream shoppe that was doubling as their club house since the explosion that had destroyed Teller Morrow a few months back, but they hadn't said much beyond a friendly greeting during those rare moments. The new club house was right around the corner from where she worked, and she was always seeing the Sons of Anarchy coming and going as they pleased. She couldn't help but glance out the salon window anytime she heard a motorcycle rev past.

Over the past few weeks, she had starting growing increasingly curious about the MC and how it worked. Tara had always tried to keep that part of her life as private as possible, even if she confided in her friend about some things. So Lana knew the basics of what it meant to be affiliated with the Sons, but she wasn't sure what it was _really_ like to have ties that were rooted deep there. With the birth of her baby she knew that a small part of her would be forever embedded with SAMCRO. With Jax as the father, not only would she have to adhere to whatever "rules" or "laws" the club had pertaining to children of members and their mothers, but she herself would have to be more involved than ever. She would have the President's son or daughter. Who knew what that meant.

She had no idea the dangers that could present themselves in her delicate situation, and part of her still wondered if she could slip out under the radar. It couldn't be as dangerous as Jax made it seem, or that Tara said it was could it? This was real life. She had seen Jax sprinkled with blood before, though. It was all just so confusing sometimes and at this point she thought that Jax might have her head if she tried to leave without telling him. She had already kept the pregnancy from him in general, and he had warned her against keeping anymore secrets from him. But weren't they then being hypocritical? Weren't they themselves keeping the biggest secret of them all?

Sure, they had talked a little more about telling people the truth, but had ultimately decided to take it a single person, and a single day, at a time. Jax had finally agreed that Lana should tell her Doctor that he had fathered the kid if any abnormalities where found, but as far as telling Tara went...that was a whole different ball game. Jax could barely stand to talk about how they might tell her. Anytime the subject was brought up his tone would change and his answers grew short. "I don't want to tell her either, but out of respect we have to...especially if you want to be in the babies life," she would say. His response was always the same, "yeah, look I gotta go..."

Lana was half sure that he would back out at some point anyways, and leave her to raise their kid on her own. Therefor allowing him to forget anything had happened and keep focusing on his life in the club and with Tara. She wasn't opposed to that idea, but the longer she was unsure, the closer her due date got. If she would ultimately be doing this alone then she wanted ample time to prepare for it. She already needed to find a bigger apartment if she was going to stay, but her lease was up a month before the baby would be here and if she was leaving then that would be the time. If Jax backed out then she'd be gone, she was sure of it. But he insisted he wanted to know his child, and so she casually looked at "to rent" signs around Charming. There was a place for rent above the pharmacy, but it was only four doors down from the new club house. She felt that might be a little intrusive, and if Jax and Tara were going to work anything out then she needed to stay away if she could help it. She needed to be a sort of background noise.

Lana gulped down a bit of sadness as she reached for the cocoa butter and slathered a generous amount on her bump. After she was all dressed, she sent a quick text to Dom. He was meeting her at her appointment and she had let him know she would be leaving in a few minutes. She stood in the mirror for another moment examining her growing belly. It was truly amazing the way her body was stretching and changing to accommodate the life that was inside of it. She admired her bump, and sometimes when she looked at it or felt it under her touch she was able to forget about the turmoil that surrounded it. It was her calm in the storm that her life was sure to become, the constant, the piece of her that would never change but change all at once at the same time. Soon she would know if she was having a little boy or a little girl. Lana took a deep breath and headed out, excited for the results...

...Lana swatted the tears away as she made her way down the icy streets. The freezing rain had started while her and Dom had been inside at her appointment. Charming was located in mid-California so where it didn't accumulate much snow in the winter, it did get its fair share of ice and rain. Lana was a pro at navigating the slick streets. Having grown up in Charming, she could find her way around with her eyes closed even when it was covered in a thick layer of ice.

Through the happy tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks, Lana could still see with such clarity. The knowledge of her little jelly beans sex had opened up a new wave of emotions she didn't think were possible, and she had never been so happy in her life than she was in that moment. And now she was currently on her way to Tara's house to tell her the good news! She had just left Dom, who was equally as excited as his older sister (albeit a little skeptical), and Tara had called her immediately wanting to know. She had opted to just stop by and tell her, instead.

She felt a bit guilty, but part of her wanted to spend as much time with Tara as she could before dropping the bomb of the century. Especially since the holidays were in full swing. She didn't feel like now was the right time, and who knows how Jax might react if she made such a serious decision without him. In the back of her mind she figured it was probably for the best if she disassociated as much as she could, but she just couldn't bring herself to just yet. She didn't have anyone else to share her joy with, and she wanted desperately to hang on as long as she could. Even though she knew this life and baby were her decision, she was still dreading having to lose the closest thing she had ever had to a sister. And so she bee lined it for the Teller-Knowles household with her big news burning her tongue, just itching to be told, and reveling in the joy she was feeling about the sex reveal.

Jax's bike sat out front. Lana hadn't been expecting him to be home, but she guessed this was just as good a time as any to let him know the sex too. She had planned on just telling him the next time he called, but this would work. He knew that her appointment was earlier that afternoon and he was just as curious about what they were having as she was. Her heart beat picked up its pace as she drew nearer to the front door. The colorful lights danced and glittered across the sprinkle of snow that covered the front yard and Lana smiled. Tara threw open the door before she could even reach for the knob, Thomas on her hip in nothing but a diaper and an elf hat. She could hear Abel laughing from somewhere inside of the recess's of the home, and the Christmas tree was twinkling in the background. Lana wanted to melt away and not rupture this delicate moment.

"Hi!" Tara exclaimed, a huge smile plastered on her face, "come in!" Lana pressed through the doorway, she smelled hot chocolate. She could hear Abel's laughing coming from the back bedroom. Tara noticed her glance down the hallway. "Jax is tickling him," she said, her face lighting up. Tara was truly happy that her little family was sharing a drama free day together. Lana felt that ball form in her throat again but she swallowed it hard, this was not the time for her hormones to catch the worst of her. This was a rare moment that the Tellers were spending quality time together, and once Lana told Tara the truth, everything would go up in flames.

She pushed it to the back of her brain as Tara led them toward the bedroom where the laughter was coming from. Lana followed behind, but lingered at the doorway as Tara entered. She sat Thomas in his crib as Abel lept off of his Father's lap and bounced across the floor, "look! Daddy look! I'm a frog! Mommy look, I'm a frog!" Tara pat Abel's head as she pushed back out of the room, motioning for Lana to follow her. She opted to linger for just a second as Jax interacted with his young son.

"Yeah, you're a frog buddy." Jax was smiling. It was genuine, and it reached his eyes. Lana admired the scene laid out in front of her. It warmed her heart to see him spending time at home. It seemed like lately, according to Tara, Jax was hardly home anymore and when he was he seemed increasingly more distracted. Right now it seemed, though, he was just enjoying a day with his family. Lana doubted her decision to come by. Maybe she should have just told them later, or told Tara when she had called. She didn't have long to dwell on the negativity before Jax glanced up in her direction, his eyes meeting hers for a second before shifting to her big belly and then looking back at Abel. "Daddy has to go talk to Mommy and Lana for a minute, ok Bud?" Abel just nodded his head in big up and down movements. Jax smiled before standing and crossing the room.

Lana pushed off the door frame and down the hallway toward the kitchen, acutely aware of Jax trailing just behind her. He didn't say anything to her, just followed through the archway and headed to the right where Tara was leaning against the kitchen counter. He leaned in and placed a small kiss on his wife's cheek before getting a beer out of the fridge. "So..." Tara spoke up first as Lana made herself comfortable at the table. "So..." Lana started. Jax had his back facing Tara as he glanced out the side window toward the garage. Tara couldn't see, but from Lana's angle she could see that his jaw was tense. He knew why she was there, and she knew that he was lingering to find out what the sex of Lana's baby was and to make sure there weren't any underlying issues he should be worried about.

"Everything looks normal, the heartbeat appears strong," Lana started, directing herself to Tara but speaking to both of them. Tara took a sip out of her cocoa mug and Jax exhaled, "that's good. Growth rate is where it should be?" Lana nodded, "the doctor says things look good. I need to go back soon and take the glucose test..." Tara moaned, clearly remembering the sickly sweet orange concoction she had been forced to down just a couple years prior "...yeah, I hear it's bad," Lana responded to her remark, "I'm just keeping my fingers crossed I don't have diabetes and I don't puke that shit up all over my Doctor."

Tara pushed off the counter and crossed to the table, giggling a little as she replied, "which doctor are you seeing again?" "Dr. Dermott," Lana answered. "His been my gynecologist since I turned twenty so it seemed only normal." "He's good," Tara replied, "so even if you have gestational diabetes he'll take care of you." Lana felt a bit relieved. Tara knew all the best doctors. "So, find anything else out today?" Tara pressed. Of course Lana knew what she was talking about, and she smiled immediately. "Of course I did! I'm so excited Tara!"

Jax shifted a little near the window, taking a drag off his beer bottle. It garnered a glance from Tara, but she redirected her attention back to Lana. "So, will we being buying pink or blue streamers for your baby shower?" Lana's face twisted in confusion, "my baby shower?" Tara smiled coyly, "I just figured that it might be a good idea. You don't have to worry about anything...Gemma is going to help out. She thinks shit is a little wound up right now with the club, but she agrees that you'll need things for the baby and there's really no better way than..." "Gemma is helping? _MY_ baby shower!?" Lana interrupted, suddenly feeling a little panicked, "Tara, please don't throw me a baby shower!"

The very last thing she wanted was for Tara to go out of her way and do anything that might benefit her or the baby in such a substantial way. The guilt was washing over her, and she felt her heart pounding in her head. Keeping this awful secret from Tara was the worst thing she had ever done.

Tara furrowed her brows and concern crept across her face, "I thought you would be happy..." "I am," Lana interrupted again, "I appreciate the thought, but please don't go out of your way to throw a shower for me. I can get the things I need on my own. Please, I can't accept your help!" Lana felt the makings of a panic attack. "I just thought..." both women were distracted when Jax threw his beer bottle away, loudly, and broke the glass. "Sorry," he muttered, "don't know my own strength sometimes." Tara had, in the time Jax had broken the bottle to him apologizing, crossed to the recycle bin to make sure there were no scattered pieces the boys might find later. Jax nodded in Lana's direction.

Her breathing began to calm, and she knew what he had done. He had saved her from breaking down and having a meltdown. She nodded back at him in understanding. "Be careful next time, babe," Tara said as she sat back down. He nodded. Clearly the broken bottle had been enough to compromise the baby shower conversation. "Sorry," Tara apologized for the interruption, "where were we? I just started thinking about the boys finding glass and lost my train of though." Lana changed the subject, she needed something that would guarantee Tara wouldn't go back to the baby shower topic, "I think we were talking about how I'm having a baby girl..." she faded out, watching the light in Tara's eyes begin to dance.

"A girl!" Tara's mouth dropped open, "I am so, so happy for you Lana!" The happy tears sprang up again, and Lana barely registered Jax exiting the room. Tara's arms were wrapped around her and the happiness bubbled over again. Lana thought briefly how bipolar she felt with pregnancy hormones. Both women exchanged words of encouragement and excitement for a few minutes before Tara settled back into her seat. "Have you thought of any names?" Lana surprised herself when she realized that no, she hadn't really thought of names. She had toyed around with a few, but she wasn't set on anything specific. The possibilities seemed endless with the new reveal!

She, Lana smiled warmly at the thought of saying "she" instead of "it", would have a beautiful name. One of the ones she had thought about was "Ava". It had a nice ring to it, but she had no idea what middle name she might pair it with. Lana also didn't know if she should discuss the name with Jax before committing to one, or if he even cared. She hadn't even really seen his reaction to the news. Was he happy? It was really hard to find joy in this situation, but maybe he was? He hadn't waited around after she had spilled the beans, and had left without a word. Whatever though, she wasn't concerned about him right this moment. Right now it was about her baby girl, a beautiful flower that would brighten her world...

_**Of course it had to be a baby girl! Lana is thrilled with her daughter, but she still hasn't been able to tell Tara! What will Jax's reaction to having a daughter be? Do you thin he'll be happy? Do you think he'll stick around and hold on to his word about being in her life? What about names? Do you think Lana might give the baby Jax's last name? There's still so much that can happen! Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Xoxoxo!**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_Thank you all! You've all been so great! I appreciate every single comment and PM! _**

**_The beginning of this chapter is all about Jax. It's just a small glimpse into his mind right after finding out he was having a GIRL! Eek! I'm still so excited about that! There's some good stuff in this chapter, and I hope you all enjoy! _**

_Jax's POV_

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were steel grey and set in stone, but the tears that threatened to spill down his cheek made them glisten in the yellow lighting. Jax couldn't believe the bubble of emotions that had threatened to tear from his throat when he heard Lana announce that she was carrying a girl. He had even gone as far as to slip out of the kitchen in fear that Tara might gauge his reaction. Every single piece of him was conflicted, and he was on the verge of being ripped in half by the fire that burned its way through him. A girl...a tiny, perfect, innocent, scary little girl.

When his boys had been born Jax had been proud. They would grow up strong and handsome, and they'd ride bikes like their old man. Abel and Thomas were rough and rowdy: frogs, snails, and puppy dog tails. That's what his boys were made of. He'd deal with scraped knees, black eyes, dirty faces. Jax hoped that one day he could teach his boys how to build an engine, not to mention their own motorcycles from scratch. They'd be tough guys, bad boys, and with Tara's influence they'd be successful men at the same time. With any luck he'd have the club turned back around by the time they were old enough to prospect, and he'd pass on his father's legacy to them...but a girl, that was a whole different ball game.

His little girl, his _daughter, _would be the epitome of a princess. He already knew she would be donned in pink with a little rebel twist like her mother. He imagined bouncy strawberry blonde locks curling over perfect apple cheeks, and big blue eyes melting his heart. Her big brothers would protect her and her daddy would break anyone's arm that broke his little girls heart as she grew into a beautiful young woman. Ugh, she would grow up and she would meet someone someday and who knew what would happen then.

Jax hung his head low. Knowing he was having a daughter changed his perspective on so much. Every woman was someone's baby girl. Every woman he had ever used, lied to, or promised false hope to had once been someone else's perfect little apple-cheeked darling. Tara...Jax looked back into the mirror, this time the tears broke loose...Tara had been a beautiful dark haired baby. An innocent child in this corrupt world, and he had taken that beautiful baby under his wing. And then what? What had he done so right for her in the long run? If a man put his daughter through half of what he had put Tara through, just a _fraction_ of what Tara had stayed around and dealt with, that man would be dead in an unmarked grave somewhere outside of the Charming county line.

And what about Lana? He couldn't forget about her. He had taken her under his wing, in a sense, too. Sure it had been only temporary but it had led them both to this situation that was much bigger than both of them. He wasn't sure they would be in this situation in general if he hadn't have pushed her a little in the direction of his bed. She didn't deserve to be thrown into this life of single motherhood. Lana was a good girl. She worked hard, paid her own bills, was always there for Tara and his boys...now, because of him, both girls would lose their best friend. Lana would have to raise their daughter primarily alone. What kind of life was that?

She said over and over that it was okay, that she had chosen to keep their baby and that she accepted what her life would become. Jax wasn't sure if she was saying that to make him believe it, or to convince herself. If he had to be honest with himself, Lana probably knew that she was gorgeous and could find someone to help her. Jax reeled a little. Any man that got with Lana would also be with his daughter: tucking her into bed every night, reading her a story, watching her grow everyday. He hated the thought of his kid calling someone else Daddy but what choice did he have?

He could never be with Lana, and it killed him to think of his daughter potentially growing up to be in her mother's place someday. Even if Tara didn't accept his kid, he could never be with Lana. Not even if Tara left him, took his boys and got out of town. Lana would always be that reminder, that tie to his wife and a constant reminder of how he had fucked up. He couldn't allow himself to just brush this baby aside and forget about her, either. If Gemma had taught him anything, it was that family was most important. His club, his kids, and his wife were his top priorities, in that order...and that just dragged him down even more.

Jax wished with every fiber of his being that things could be different. He wished he could go back in time. Not just to before Lana got pregnant, but back to before he had accepted the gravel. Back when times were simpler, and the club wasn't involved in such a bloody battle. He was leading his family, his brothers, right to the front line and it killed him a little more everyday. JT's manuscript barely helped him along anymore. His life was all unraveling in a serious of unfortunate events that Clay had started and that he was now responsible for. What was his life anymore?

Jax leaned forward onto his palms, getting closer to the mirror and examining every fine line that seemed mar his otherwise smooth skin. He was getting older, so shouldn't that make him wiser? He was closing in on 35 in a few months and yet he was still fucking up his life like he had in his 20's. He thought of Wendy, then. His poor Wendy. He thought of when he had pumped her full of heroin in attempt to keep her from Abel, and she still remained relentless and came around. She had even earned Tara's trust, and yet he had crumpled her up like a dirty tissue he had shot his load into and dumped her in the trash. What if his daughter became Wendy? A junkie with a serious problem, scooped up by a wannabe prince charming and left pregnant and alone. He had left Wendy to deal with chaos by herself. Looking back now, it had been no surprise that she had pumped her veins full of heroin with a belly full of baby.

It seemed like a bad trend. All three women that were ever loved by him: Tara, Lana, and Wendy...every one of them was left pregnant and alone by him. He was hurt when Wendy had gotten pregnant. He didn't want Abel, at least not at first, and he hated that he'd have to be tied to Wendy forever so he just kept his distance and let Gemma do his bidding. He had wound up in jail with Tara. For 14 months he sat behind bars while she carried, delivered, and began raising their son by herself. Now Lana, thrown into this mess because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. She was carrying his child, and he couldn't even spare her more than a 10 minute conversation every few weeks. Some part of him really did love her. Even though it was just out of respect for the mother of his child, it was still there and he needed to start stepping up as far as being a father went.

His life was in turmoil. The club life was getting bloodier and bloodier every single day, and he never knew when trouble would come knocking again. That didn't stop the timeline of Lana's pregnancy though. That little girl would be in this world in just a handful of months, and as her dad it was up to him to take care of the things that her and her mother would need.

Chibs had approached him a few days prior asking about "Tara's pregnan' friend" and asking if Jax knew what she was having. He brushed it off, but Chibs told him to let him know because he knew some people that ran the storage lot a couple of towns over. He said that he had been over there looking for some things when he had stumbled across a unit filled with baby things for a girl, and the people wanted to clear it out for dirt cheap. Well, Jax figured he'd have to shoot Chibs a message and get the address. He had a few hours free tomorrow.

Jax cracked his knuckles and ran his hands over his face and down his beard. He needed to catch a break very, very soon. The bad days were beginning to outnumber the good ones, and he didn't know how much more he could handle before he broke...

_The next day..._

*ring ring*

Lana jumped at the sound of her cell phone chirping out the familiar incoming call tone. She had been very focused on the documentary about lemurs on the tv, so the sudden loud noise had startled her. She grabbed the phone and saw Jax's name displayed across the screen. She was expecting his call. It was just the day before that she had found out that she was having a girl, and had told both him and Tara at the same time, so it was no surprise that he wanted to talk to her. She knew that he hadn't called the night prior because of his staying home, but that didn't bother her. If anything it made her happy. Jax hadn't spent the night at home in a few weeks. Instead he'd been sleeping in the little half finished apartment that was attached to the ice cream shoppe. Him, along with Chibbs, Tig, Happy, and Rat had taken up a semi permanent residence after the attack at their previous club house. So to hear that he had spent the night with his wife was actually some good news that she welcomed. Tara and his marriage was still on the rocks, but them spending some time together was a step in the right direction at the very least.

"Hey," she spoke quickly, sitting back on the couch and placing a protective hand on her tummy. "Hey," his voice was low. "I knew you would call when you could," she said nonchalantly. "Always do," he responded. She asked him how he was, and they started a small talk conversation about how much pressure he was under from the club. Lana was a bit surprised that he was actually spilling some SAMCRO business to her, but she didn't say so and instead just told him that things would be alright. They talked for a few minutes about the details of her sonogram, and Jax expressed his concern with having a girl.

"How do I even raise a girl? Boys...they're easy. But girls..." he faded out. Lana smiled, "don't worry, Jax, I think I've got this." "Yeah, look...Chibs knows a couple people that are getting rid of a shit load of things for a baby girl..." "wait," Lana interrupted, her smile fading, "Chibs knows about the baby? I mean, that you're her dad!?" Jax scoffed, "no, he just heard you were pregnant and asked me to tell him what you were having when Tara found out. Says these people have a whole storage shed of pink shit a couple towns over, and for cheap too." She heard him, but she was still a little in panic mode, "Wait, he doesn't think it's weird that you're talking about my pregnancy?" Jax scoffed again, "Chibs is a good guy. He heard you were pregnant and asked what you were having, then he told me about the baby stuff. That's it, Lana. Do you want to go look at shit for the kid or not?" "Yes, I mean..." she started biting at the inside of her cheek "...yeah, of course. I just can't afford much right now." "I didn't ask what you could afford," Jax countered, "I'll pick you up in an hour. I'll bring the truck, and you can pick out whatever you like. Be ready, because I don't have much time."

She didn't have time to argue with him before the line went dead. The soft buzzing indicating his hanging up filled her ear. Jax said Chibs had no idea that he was the father, but Lana could't shake the feeling that something was off. She was so scared about some one finding out about her and Jax that she was always carrying around ten pounds of worry, but this time it was a feeling deep in her gut. It went beyond her intuition. Maybe it was just the fact that every day was another day closer to her due date, and she knew she couldn't push back the inevitable forever, but their was no way for her to get the bad taste out of her mouth. Something was going to happen...

...An hour later Lana was sitting shotgun in Jax's black pick up truck. They were bouncing down a back rode out of town so it was less likely they'd be spotted together. The drive would take them about a half hour or so, and they were filling it with small talk between some Lynyrd Skynyrd and Tom Petty. "How have you been feeling?" Jax asked without glancing in her direction. She shrugged, "I'm alright. I get sick less, but I get tired more often. I'm getting pretty use to being pregnant, though...I'm falling into the swing of things I guess." "That's good...and Doc said everything is alright with the baby?" "He said things look good. Listened to her heart beating with him, and he didn't seem too concerned. I need to go back in a few weeks to undergo amniocentesis and get my glucose checked but..." "what?" Jax asked, cocking an eyebrow in question and interrupting her. "Huh?" she replied, not sure where he had gotten confused.

"What do you have to undergo?" His brows were now furrowed. Lana sometimes forgot that this was the first pregnancy Jax was actually (somewhat) involved in, and that he didn't know what a lot of it entailed. Much like her with her doctor, he would probably ask her a lot of questions. "Amniocentesis? The way my Doctor described it is it's this procedure where they stick a needle into my belly, through the placenta, and then they suck up some of the amniotic fluid around the baby so they can test for abnormalities." Jax looked horrified, "Jesus Christ." She laughed, "pregnancy isn't pretty!"

He shook his head, "obviously not." They joked back and forth for a few minutes before going quiet again. They bounced around in silence, listening to Free Bird until he spoke again. "So, I heard you talking about naming the baby last night..." "Yeah," she started slowly, not sure where he was taking this, "I've been sort of toying around with names. I don't know..." "Any you really like?" he asked, keeping his focus on the road. "She was studying his features to judge his reaction as she answered, "sort of? I, um...I like the name Ava..." he nodded "and maybe Rayna...I don't know. Or maybe Ava Rayne?" He nodded again. "I don't say this just because I'm a biker," he glanced at her smirking, "but I like Harley." "Oh, but not because you're a biker?" He shrugged and smirked again.

Lana glanced back out the window pondering over a few name combinations in her mind and soaking up the moment. They were having a real conversation about their baby. This was the first normal thing they had done since her finding out she was pregnant, and she felt like it was special. Jax's opinion mattered on the subject, so she was willing to compromise with him. This was hard for both of him, and he risked a lot every time he called her and especially now. Taking her to pick up baby things. This was huge, and she truly appreciated it even if she was still unsure about it all.

"Ava Harley..." Lana said somewhat unsure, but loving how it sounded out loud. She turned away from the window to face him. "Jax," he glanced at her but kept his focus primarily on the road, "what do you think about Ava Harley?" He repeated the name, "Ava Harley," before a genuine grin broke out across his face. He looked at her again smiling, "Ava Harley...I like it." She smiled then. It was settled. The first major decision they had made together about their baby was decided. Lana patted her belly lovingly. "Ava Harley" she whispered, "I love you already."

_Two hours later..._

Lana carried in the last bag of baby clothes while Jax man-handled the pack and play and bassinet in one haul. Chibs hadn't been lying when he said there was a lot of baby things up for grabs. Sure, some of it was un-salvageable, but they had walked away with half a truck bed full of items she would need for Ava. Aside form a crib, changing station, and diapers, Lana was well on her way to being prepared for baby.

At first she had casually looked around, feeling guilty about not having the money to buy things herself, but Jax had taken initiative and had begun loading the truck himself. He had slipped Chib's friends a couple of bills and they had left them alone to take as mush as they wanted. She had tried to protest but of course he wouldn't here her out.

"Just set the rest of it over by the chair" she said, pointing to the corner where everything was piling up. "I don't have room yet." He sat things down, and Lana followed him out onto the sidewalk. He mumbled something about having to get going, and how he had some things to handle at church that night. "Church?" Lana was a little confused. Jax nodded, "it's what we call important club meetings. They're held in our chapel, and what's decided in there is what stands. Only patched members get to be present and their votes are the only ones counted." "Wow" she said, "there's so much I don't know about..."

Jax laughed, "yeah, and I'm gonna keep it that way, a'ight?" Lana just shrugged, "I guess...I just thought there might be rules I had to know about now or..." "Rules?" Jax asked, looking amused, "why would you need to know what our rules are?" She thought for a moment, "because of the baby? No? Do I sound stupid?" Jax shook his head and pulled her in for an unexpected hug. "You've got nothing to worry about darlin', you'll be fine. Don't worry about anything," he said over the top of her head, holding her to his chest. Lana allowed herself to relax against him. This was her friend, and he was assuring her that she would be alright. She was grateful for everything that he had done today, and she said so as her head was pressed against the cool leather of his cut and tucked under his chin.

"Naw, don't thank me...look, I gotta go now. I'll check in when I can." He let her go, calling back "take care of Ava!" over his shoulder and smiling. Lana felt warm, even though the grey clouds overhead made it cold outside. Jax was really trying, and she couldn't appreciate it more. She was still dreading the inevitable, but for now she would let herself enjoy the new things she had picked out for the baby, and enjoy a day of no drama. She relished in the name they had picked out for their little jelly bean. She had really enjoyed her time spent with Jax, and she didn't want to spoil it by allowing herself negative emotions.

Lana waved as he pulled away before turning and heading back inside to do a load of baby laundry. Neither of them had noticed the black SUV parked a little ways down the road. It had driven by as they were embracing in a friendly hug, and had immediately pulled to the side of the road a few doors down. It wasn't every day that the driver took the route past Lana's house, but an accident had forced the truck to go the few blocks down and around on its way home. Coincidence or just sheer dumb luck, Gemma tapped her perfect nails on her steering wheel and pursed her lips. Jax knew better than to keep secrets from her...

**UH-OH! Queen B knows something is up with her little Prince! What do you think is going to happen next? Do you think she'll confront Lana? Jax? TARA!? That would be a disaster, eh? The juicy bits are just getting started!**

**What about little Ava Harley? **

**I really hope you're all still enjoying my writing. I love hearing from you, so please review and/or send me a message! A few of you PM me regularly with questions, ideas, fan theories...I love it! I do my best to respond in a timely fashion, and love hearing from you guys! Reviews are equally appreciated! I love the ideas! **

**Thank you all again for all of the support! I'll post the next installment SOON! Xo. ~Harlow**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thanks again to all of my story supporters! I appreciate every. single. one. of you! I did get some negative reform, like usual, but overall I was once again overwhelmed with positive vibes :)**_

_**This next chapter will focus primarily on Gemma, and her reaction to seeing Jax and Lana together. Of course she had to poke her nose around Jax's business, right? She wouldn't be Gemma if she didn't! Hope you all enjoy!**_

_**P.s. Language is a bt rough in places during this chapter. You've been warned! Xo. ~Harlow**_

_**Chapter 11-**_

Gemma slid quickly out of the SUV as soon as Lana's door closed and Jax was out of site. There was something going on, and she wanted to investigate a little bit to find out what. Jackson should have been well aware by now that his mother found out everything, and that keeping something from her wasn't a good idea. He didn't understand that she only wanted to help him. She wanted him to be a good man, a good father, but most of all a good President for the Sons. She had worked too damn hard to achieve her vision, and she wouldn't let something trivial keep them from the happy ending she had always dreamed about.

She had primped her son his whole life for the gravel. It was always known he'd take over one day, and Gemma had made damn sure that he was steered in the right direction from a very young age. Since he had started walking she had forced him onto a motorcycle. He had the taste for them, just like his father had, and Gemma had to work hard to make sure that Jax inherited her strength and that vision for the club. Gemma liked the power that came with the President's patch. Both of her late husbands had been President's, and now her son...she could feel the power wavering, though.

Ever since Jax had gotten his hands on John's manuscript things had been different. Jax's very existence had changed after reading it. John had wanted out. He had wanted his son out, and now Jax wanted the club out from the mound of shit that Clay had buried them all in. Between the readings and Tara threatening to leave him with their boys, the power had steadily been slipping from Jax's grasp as his mind was wound tighter and tighter. Gemma wouldn't let that happen, though. Jax wasn't weak, like his father. Jax was strong. He was a leader, not a follower. As long as she walked this earth, nobody and nothing would break his spirit. That is exactly why she felt the need to mettle in her sons affairs. At 34 years old, he needed her guidance more than ever as far as she was concerned. And so she snooped. 'It's for his own good' she thought.

Gemma made sure nobody was watching as she meandered across the street. It was late afternoon, but there was still plenty of light outside. She casually approached the little red car parked in the spot closest to the door. She started glancing through the windows, not exactly sure what she was looking for. Nothing out of the ordinary jumped out at her. She saw a stack of "paid notification" bills from what she was assuming was Lana's OBGYN, but nothing else in the car gave her any hint that the girl was even pregnant.

That's when she noticed it. The address on the mail, it belonged to the cabin up in the woods. "That little shit," Gemma spat, pursing her lips and shaking her head. She didn't need to ask him what was happening, her instincts kicked in and she just knew. That girl was pregnant and it was her sons baby! Why else would he have been carrying in baby things for her? Hugging her? Why else would her bills be going to their family cabin? That pregnant bitch was carrying her grand-baby! Gemma huffed. If Tara found out about this then there was no way she would stick around Charming. Hell, she was barely hanging on as it was. If she left, and Jax lost his family, he would most certainly break. Everything they had worked so hard to build would crumble. She didn't trust Tara as far as she could throw her. The mother in her despised her, actually, but she needed the ex-doctor around to keep Jax from mentally going insane. And she would be damned if she could never see Abel and Thomas again. Those boys, and Jax, were her world.

Maybe she could talk some sense into Lana's pretty little head. Maybe. Or maybe she would just lose her cool and threaten her. It was hard to gauge Gemma's reaction. She knocked on the door, still not sure what she would say or how she would react...

...Lana's first thought when she heard the door knock was to assume it was Jax. Maybe he had forgotten something, or they had forgotten something in the back of his truck? So when she opened it and saw Gemma standing there, dressed to the nines with a knowing look on her face, the surprise, followed by fear was enough to suffocate her. Why was she here, and how long had she been there? She didn't know what to say, so instead she just stood there awkwardly staring at the matriarch.

"You gonna invite me inside or do I have to win a staring contest first?"

Lana swallowed hard, "oh, sorry. I'm sorry. You just, you caught me by surprise. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, sweetie, with a baby on the way I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind." Gemma pushed inside the small apartment. Lana watched her glance around, her eyes lingering on the pile of baby things stacked in the corner. "Kind of small for a baby, huh?" This was the first time that Gemma had been inside of Lana's apartment. They had only exchanged a handful of words before, but Lana knew from Tara's experiences that she could be manipulative and cunning.

She puffed up just a little, trying to maintain face. "Yeah, I mean...I don't think I'll still be here when the baby comes. I'll need a bigger place and..."

"My son gonna help you with that, too?" Gemma was now staring at Lana, who froze in place.

"W-w-what do you mean?" Lana tried to cover, but she wasn't dumb. She knew Gemma wasn't standing in her living room for nothing.

Gemma knew that she knew, too. "Don't play dumb, sweetie, we both know why I'm here."

Lana didn't want to say it first. What if by some miracle Gemma had no idea? And she just thought she knew, but had no proof? What if she was just fronting because she was crazy and just suspected things and was trying to get her to spill the beans? "I'm sorry, Gemma, I don't know what you're..."

"Bullshit." Gemma stuck out a hip and rested a hand on the curve of her waist. "I know that you know why I'm here, and what I know...so I suggest you fess up right now if you want my help."

Lana shook her head, refusing to give in. "I'm sorry, I just don't..."

It happened in a split second. Gemma had swooped in and grabbed Lana, with one hand, by her face, digging her fingers hard into either side of her jaw bone. The force of the grip had forced Lana back into a wall, and Gemma's tall frame (enhanced with patent leather stiletto boots) loomed over Lana's tiny, flat footed 5'4". Lana's eyes widened with fear, and her hands instinctively covered her bump protectively.

"Listen good, because I'm only gonna say this once." Gemma tightened her grip. "I know that's Jax's bun you got baking in that oven. I also know that no one else knows, because if they did then Tara would have already split. It's a dangerous little game you two are playing by playing house behind his wife's back..."

"we're not play..." Lana tried to spit out, but Gemma only tightened her grip even further, silencing her instantly.

"If Tara finds out that you've been with Jax, that you're _pregnant_ by Jax, she'll leave him...and she'll take my grandsons with her. Do you know what it would do to Jackson if he lost his boys? Do you know the pain that would cause him, huh? He would lose his god damn mind. I will _not _let my son spiral into a black hole again. I won't let him throw his life away for some bitch that couldn't keep her panties on. I will do anything, and everything that it takes to make sure that he keeps his head together and saves this sinking ship that is our club...even if that means getting dirty. Got it?"

Gemma let go of Lana's face, which she immediately began to rub. There would definitely be bruises. Lana shrank against the wall as Gemma spoke once more, kneeling down and picking up a tiny pink onesie covered in black stars. "It kills me knowing that I'll never know my only granddaughter, little red, don't think for a second I don't give a shit about that baby in your belly. But I can't risk everything that we've built." She turned to face the cowering Lana once more, stuffing the little outfit into the pocket of her leather jacket before taking her wallet out and throwing a few bills onto the table. "Use that to get out of town. Take care of you and that little girl...and stay the fuck away from my son."

With that she was gone. In a whirl of leather, lace, and big hair Gemma had disappeared from Lana's living room. She stood there dumbstruck. The tears slowly filling her eyes. Frantically she moved to close the door that Gemma had left swinging open. She watched her climb into the SUV and wave before driving off. Tara had told her on countless occasions that she'd been threatened by the older woman, but this was the first time it had ever happened to her. This had been the most that Gemma had ever said to her, even!

Lana threw the door closed and flipped the dead lock before allowing herself to give into the fear and confusion that Gemma had stirred inside of her. Her face hurt. She had never been threatened like that. This must be what Jax had meant every time he warned her that things could be dangerous if people found out about their baby. The only thing that kept her from passing out completely was Gemma maintaining that Tara shouldn't find out, so she wasn't going to run right over and tell her. Lana rubbed her belly which suddenly felt sick. She wanted to call Jax. She wanted to tell him to turn around so she could tell him everything that had just happened, and have him tell her what to do about his Mom.

She wanted him to come back and tell her everything would be okay in that voice that he used that could soothe her nerves...but she couldn't. Gemma's words bounced around in her head. "Stay away from my son." Lana eyed the money scattered on the table. This could be her out. There was enough there for her to pack up her car with Ava's things and drive across the country. There might even be enough to get them a hotel room for awhile until she found another job and could rent an another apartment. She collapsed on her couch, head in her hands, she had no idea what to do. Lana held her hands over her mouth to stifle the wild cry that threatened to tear from her throat..

_*One hour later...*_

Jax ran a heavy hand over his face and dropped his head. Colette began gently brushing the hair back from his forehead, "It will all be ok, Jax," she crooned in his ear. He was awaiting Nero's arrival in the Diosa lobby. He had just left Lana less than an hour ago, and he had just gotten the call that two bodies had been found inside of Charming county line. Each one donned the signature "A" the Sons carved into the bellies of their victims to send a message. 'Shit' had been his first thought. The body count was so high anymore that he wasn't sure if they were actually people SAMCRO had killed, or if they were being set up to look guilty. Either way it didn't seem like a good situation to be in. He needed to deal with his Diosa business quick and get back to the ice cream shop to deal with yet another crisis. He was losing track of them all by now.

Just then he saw his mother burst into the front doors carrying grocery bags. He felt Colette's touch vanish as she stood to greet Gemma. Instead of a warm welcome, Gemma passed her the bags in a huff. "Here, take these...I need to talk to my son." Gemma shot Jax a knowing look.

Colette seemed taken back, but she smiled in reply, "sure. Nero isn't back yet. You can use the office at the end of the hall."

Gemma nodded her head, "I know where it is," and then disappeared down the short hallway toward the large office in back.

"What now" Jax said rhetorically as he pushed himself off the couch. Colette stopped him by placing a hand on his flannel clad stomach. "Will I see you later? I know things are crazy..."

Jax saw the desire in her big green eyes. Colette had seemed to fill some void he had never known he had before. Having sex with her was something he did to feel whole. He didn't love her, he didn't have any kind of emotional attachment to her at all, but he did associate her with some feeling of completeness when she was around. She filled some void for him, somehow. Something stirred inside of him, and for a second he almost kissed her. If anything it would be so he could approach his own mother at full capacity...but he held back.

Instead he shook his head slowly and whispered honestly, "I don't know," before pressing past her and making his way toward the office that Gemma was waiting impatiently for him in. He didn't think he had any intention of seeing her, but he didn't want to tell her that. Colette was a sweet woman given her job description as head whore in charge at a legal brothel. He didn't harbor any ill will her way, but he wanted to really try and stay faithful. Tara deserved that at the very least. He knew it was a little to little, a little too late, but at least he was trying. So Jax pushed the thought of those doe like green eyes out of his mind, and locked them away somewhere he wouldn't think about. He was thinking about Tara as he pushed his way into the well lit office, unaware of what business his Mom wanted.

Gemma sat behind the big metal desk, peering at her son over the top of her glasses. "Sit" she commanded.

"What is this about?" he asked, curious as he lowered himself into the leather clad seat across from her.

Gemma pursed her lips before responding, "I guess it's no use beating around the bush. It's not like shit can get much worse at this point..." she made sure Jax was listening. He was. He had his brows drawn together in concern.

"You alright, Mom?" She brushed aside his comment with the wave of her hand, "I'm not here for me. Look...I know what's going on, and I want to help."

Jax loosened up a little and relaxed back into the seat. "You don't miss anything, huh?"

He asked her. She smirked a smirk that mirrored his own, "never have, never will." He nodded, "I've noticed. I just found out a few minutes ago myself, I didn't know that it was already getting around..."

"a few minutes ago?" Gemma interrupted. "

Yeah, Bobby called me. He's got Chibs and Tig on top of things for now. As soon as I talk to Nero I need to..."

"Wait," Gemma cut him off again, "what are you talking about?"

"The bodies?" he asked, confused, continuing when she didn't respond, "that's not why you're here?"

"What bodies?" His mother asked, whipping her glasses off her face in frustration.

"If you're not here for the bodies, then what..."

"God damnit Jackson, answer me! What bodies!?"

Jax studied his mothers face. "There were two bodies found inside of Charming...they have our A carved into them."

Gemma's face fell. "Mom, I can't remember if they're ours."

She sat back in her chair, pinching the bridge of her noise, another trait she shared with her son. "Son of a bitch..."

"I'm gonna take care of it, ok?"

"And then what?" she snapped back, "huh? You gonna go find those fuckers that set you guys up and kill them too? Hm? What if they are our bodies? What then?"

"I said I'll take care of it," Jax replied annoyingly.

"Yeah, you'll take care of it alright...just like you're taking care of that pregnant bitch across town."

"What?" Jax cocked his head to the side and leaned forward, "what did you say?"

"You heard me," Gemma responded, leaning forward to meet her son near the middle of the desk. "I saw you and little red sharing a moment. You wanna explain to me what you're doing with that girl when Tara isn't around? Or do I need to tell you all about what I know you're doing."

He had no words. He knew his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn't for the life of him shut it. Every nerve in his body began to tingle, and he was acutely aware of the blood pounding through his veins. Jax had been so careful. He had taken all the necessary steps to make sure that nobody found out about the baby, and now Gemma of all people was the one to see them together. He hadn't thought about her at all. His mind was completely wrapped around Tara finding out that somehow his Mother had slipped his brain.

"Mom," he started slowly, he still wasn't sure what to say. "Mom..." he repeated.

"Jackson," she said back, lighting a cigarette.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he tried.

Gemma studied him. Her eyes were narrow and her lips were once more pursed, "so that really is your baby, huh?" Gemma was done with the games. She had seen her son embracing that woman, she had confronted little red, and now she wanted to hear why her son was keeping such a huge thing from her and where he stood on the topic. She had every damn right in the world to hear it from him as far as she was concerned. Jax took a long drag off his smoke and blew it toward the ceiling. He was weighing his options; Gemma didn't miss a beat. "I brought you into this world Jackson, and I can take you out..."

"Are you threatening me?" Jax snarled.

"I'm promising you, Jackson. Do you know what you've done by knocking up that Russian bitch?"

"Don't call her a bitch..."

"Jesus Christ." Gemma tossed her glassed on the desk. "Do you know how much trouble you'll be in if you go caring about that girl, baby? What do you think Tara is gonna do when she finds out you couldn't keep your dick out of her best friend? Huh? You think she's just gonna stick around to help you raise that constant reminder of your biggest mistake?"

Jax was annoyed. This was none of his mom's business, and she was currently walking on thing ice. "This is none of your business, Gemma."

She looked hurt, "of course it's my business. You're my son, Jax. You're the reason that I lwake up every morning...everything that you do is my business!"

"No!" Jax stood, the chair falling backward. Gemma flinched. "Everything I do is _not_ your business! Lana doesn't concern you. What's going on with her doesn't concern you. My wife, and my family doesn't concern you."

Gemma stood slowly, not letting his anger get the best of her. "Jax, I only want what's best..."

"No." His nostrils flared. "Stay out of my business, and leave Lana alone. Period."

Gemma looked at the floor, her facing looking like she had been caught doing something bad. She gained her composure back quickly.

"Oh Christ, Mom. What now?" Jax couldn't take much more today.

Gemma traced an invisible word on the desk before meeting his eyes. "I may have already talked to little red..."

Jax's lip pulled into another snarl. "What did you say?"

"Doesn't matter..."

"What...in the fuck...did you say?" He was trying hard to keep his cool.

Gemma raised her head. She could see that she was treading water to stay a float right now. "It doesn't matt..."

Jax snapped when he heard her avoiding his question. Gemma flinched as he scooped the neatly stacked folders of clients off of Nero's desk and threw them into a filing cabinet, spilling them everywhere. "Tell me what you said!"

Gemma straightened out her hair before raising her chin again. She could see the fire burning in Jax's eyes. She could see all of the pain, the hurt he was suffering from and in that moment she could see him in a very rare form. He was raw. Torn open from the years of bloody war slicing away at him at every turn. She couldn't remember a time when they didn't have to wonder if they would die the next time they went somewhere alone. She saw it on his face. He knew he had screwed up, but he wasn't trying to hide anymore. He was taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, and taking responsibility for what he had done. Like any good old lady, she would stand tall and stay committed to her actions, even if she regretted the confrontation now. "I told her to leave you alone. I gave her money, and I told her to get out of town...I...I told her that the baby would ruin your life, and that...that Tara would never, ever stay around to raise that constant reminder of your biggest mistake."

It was like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. What his mother was saying was the truth. He had just been too stubborn to admit it. Lana had been so good at convincing him things would be ok, but they wouldn't. Lana...poor Lana...Gemma's words had surely cut her like a knife. Jax would be surprised if she wasn't packing up her car as he stood there, papers floating down all around him. Everything: the bodies found, Gemma finding out about Ava, the realization that he would lose his wife, his kids, his mind...the war the Sons were in and all the death they had been faced with. Everything felt like it was crushing him. Jax couldn't breath. He could barely see.

He pushed right past Nero who had caught the tail end of his temper tantrum, and who stood in the doorway confused. He didn't even spare a passing glance at Colette as she hung back, drying bar glasses with another girl. He didn't even care who had heard him yelling. The sunshine didn't touch his skin. Nothing seemed right anymore. Nothing seemed salvageable. How could he save his family when he wasn't even sure he could save himself?

Jax was still spinning when he parked his bike at the graveyard. It was the only place he could go anymore for some peace and quiet. He found himself here less lately, but being back was like a band-aid on his bruised soul. Jax fell in front of a stone, brushing away the snow and ice that covered the name. His jeans were soaking and cold, but he didn't care. He needed this. Jax placed his forehead against the freezing letters that spelled out Harry "Opie" Winston, wishing with all his might that he could have his best friends guidance one more time...

**_Woah! That was intense for me to write. I can't lie, this was one of my favorite chapters so far! Things are taking a dark turn. What could possibly go wrong next!?_**

**_Hope you all enjoyed, and please leave me a review! I absolutely LOVE hearing from you guys! I've said it a bunch, but I'll say it again...I love getting reviews AND PM's! You guys have been amazing, and a lot of you I've had conversations with about this story. I enjoy hearing your fan theories!_**

**_So once more, I hope you liked this chapter and I'll be back as soon as I can with the next one! Much Love!_**


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